Oh yeah!

One other thing I love about Whiffleball that I forgot to mention: indian rubber! That's pretty cool, too. Heck, I'll offer some points to the first commenter who knows what that is. (Except Jade, don't give the answer! You know too much.) I'm desperate for comments, can you tell?

Anyone figure out Steady Hand yet? What about the lame Clue-type question? Here's another game/time-waster. Very similar to the peg game on the tables of all Cracker Barrel restaurants. And just like that game, I figure out a way to win it then can't remember how I did it, so can't replicate the feat. Damn!

iPod: "Dog-Faced Boy" by Phish and "Milwaukee Sky Rocket (live)" by Braid.

Takin' 'er e-sie!

It's Memorial Day Weekend, and the living is easy. No motivation or inspiration to post this weekend. We had a family cook-out today, and I was really excited to get a Whiffleball and Whifflebat to play with the kids in the back yard. I love Whiffleball! Me, my brothers, my friends and some of my brother's friends used to play all the time when we were young. We lived on a cul-de-sac with little to no traffic, and it made for a great playing field. Later, in high school, we used to play Whiffle Homerun Derby on a little league field, using the pitcher's mound as home plate and the backstop as the homerun fence. Man, I love Whiffleball. I love pitching curves and sinkers with the ball, and connecting on a pitch and launching a home run. I also used to play with the yellow bat like it was a sword and do a Conan the barbarian trick with it. Anyway, I was so excited to find a Whiffleball and bat for today, and I could not find one!!! I went to Walmart and two other K-Mart-like department stores. Nada. Then I went to a sporting goods store, and they didn't have it either! What the hell is wrong with this place? Doesn't anyone carry Whiffleball products in the Salt Lake Valley?!?!?! I was very upset. The sports store had a Whiffle knock-off, with holes in the ball that allegedly make it curve when you hold it the right way. I tried it out, and it doesn't curve like a Whiffleball. Not only that, but the balls that came with the bat both broke at the seam in the middle after a few minutes use. WTF?!?!?! Whiffleballs never break there, in my experience. They last weeks, at least, and start to break at the thin parts between the holes on the top. I'm depressed. I want to play really badly now. I'm sure the feeling will pass, and the heart-breaking nostalgia I feel for my idyllic childhood will fade for a while. Sigh. Whiffleball and street hockey. My two childhood loves.

Jade, or anyone who cares, here are two more movie titles for the two remaining, unanswered famous sibling questions:

d. The Hotel New Hampshire
f. Terms of Endearment

The movie I was originally going to use for Eric and Julia Roberts was Best of the Best. I thought that might be too easy, but the other night I realized it's a double! For bonus points, think of another less-famous sibling that stars in it, and tell me the more famous one.

I'll offer a little explanation for the title. It's supposed to be a phonetic spelling of "taking her easy", the way some cool kids used to say it where we grew up. I have an older brother who was very popular back in middle and high school. One day, I was at a beach, and a kid who was older than me, but younger than my cool brother, wanted to know all about my brother, because he was so cool. He asked me to say things like him, so that he could learn to do it, too. One of the things he wanted me to say was "Take 'er e-sie" with a hard 's' in easy. It was kind of a strange experience, but I was happy to get the attention, even if it was because of my more famous brother.

Holy crap!! I just tied my life to my trivia question, and didn't even realize I was doing it until that last sentence! Wow!

CBK Triple Play: Better late than never.

Or is it? My repeat readership seems to have declined recently (*gasp* could it be the new header?), but those who return seem to like at least part of this weekly feature, and I like coming up with them.

1. Internet game: Steady Hand, courtesy of Gorilla Mask. (I should probably use games that aren't from a site I have in my links that visitors may have already seen, ya think?). If you get past level 2, let me know, because I can't.

2. Brain teaser: (It's getting hard to find good puzzles. This will have to do for now)
You're the detective.
Mr. Body has been killed at a party in a mansion and you have been called to the case. The rooms in the mansion are: The Library, The Dining Room, The Music Room, and The Study. Mr. Body was killed in the Music room. Colonel Mustard, Professor Plum, Miss Scarlet, and Mr. Green are the suspects. You have figured out that the suspect that was in the Music Room at the time of the murder is the one who killed Mr. Body. Find out which suspect was in which room at the time of the murder to figure out the person who killed Mr.Body.
a. Colonel Mustard hated books.
b. Professor Plum was either eating or practicing piano.
c. Mr. Green liked books, but wasn't in the Library.
d. There were two people in the Music Room.
e. Colonel Mustard was sick of being called "Poupon" by Prof. Plum, so he left the room Plum was in.

3. Movie Trivia: What's the worst song from a movie ever? Just kidding. Below is a list of movies. One actor in each movie has a more famous sibling. Give me the more-famous siblings' names. And if you can do it without looking up the answers, that'd be cool.

a. The Pope of Greenwich Village
b. Parenthood
c. Mona Lisa Smile
d. Jerry Maguire
e. Moving Violations
f. Postcards from the Edge

If you want hints, I can give other, more helpful movie titles starring the less-famous actors. Just ask and ye shall receive.

I'm supposed to be reading for my next online class, but I just can't get into the spirit of it. Shit, I also need to start studying for an exam next Saturday!

Oh, and in case you missed them, some funny Spamusement cartoons:

Does your girl like surprises?
My penis hurts after a big session

Totally Unnecessary Post

I'm only writing this so I can tell you what song is on my iPod. What a great tune!

I better get to work getting things together for tomorrow's Triple Play! Any trivia-type question requests?

iPod: "Seasons" by Chris Cornell.

You'll never guess what happened!

First there was a loud slamming on the door. We woke up, confused and a little worried. Then there was the loud crash of breaking glass, and we both freaked out. Someone was trying to get into our house.

My wife went in to wake up our son, and I went to grab the phone. We were still hearing glass breaking, and had no idea which window it was coming from. As I put on my glasses and struggled to dial 911 correctly in the panic and haze of half-sleep, I could hear shouting outside my house and more banging. It sounded like a group of people were outside trying to get in. I finally got through to 911 and told them someone was breaking into our house. I heard my wife scream that someone was breaking in, presumably explaining to our son what was going on. As I talked on the phone to the operator, telling her what was going on and where I lived, I crouched down by my bedroom door, trying to see into the dark house. I was looking for something long and heavy I could swing, but couldn't find anything.

I saw some flashing lights and realized that the police had arrived. Then I went across the hall to my son's room to see if my wife and son were okay, and they weren't in there. I saw that his window was open, and a Lego box was knocked over and spilled. I thought someone had broken the window and taken them out of it. I tried to get the operator to ask the police on the scene to find out where they were. She put me on hold, and I screamed out the window for my wife. There was no answer. I checked the front of the house and saw the broken window. I heard voices that I assumed were police. The operator came back and told me that she didn't know where my wife and son were. I went to the front and looked out the window. I saw a guy on my front lawn, face down, and a cop pointing a gun at him. I yelled out and asked if they knew where my wife was, and someone yelled back in that she was at the neighbors. I ended the call with 911 and went to the front door to go out and find my family. When I opened it, I saw dark splatterings on it. One cop asked if I could find another way out of the house. I went out the side door and over to my neighbors, where my wife was sitting holding out boy on her lap.

That was the scene last night at my house, about 11:30 pm. I had been asleep for about an hour when the banging started. It turned out that some guy, presumably high, carjacked somebody at knifepoint, drove down the road and hit some other cars, ditched the car at the end of our street, and ran to our house, thinking someone was after him with guns. He banged on our door then broke the window (double pane) with his hands. That's where all the blood came from. My wife screamed out our son's window to our neighbor, who came over and saw the guy trying to get in the front window. My wife threw our son out the window and climbed out herself (6 months pregnant and wearing nothing but panties). She went to the neighbor's while police were driving by. Our neighbor, after trying to calm the guy down, whistled them down, and they "subdued the suspect". Turns out they were driving by looking for the guy in the car he stole, and just happened on our house.

Some neighbors and we were up pretty late cleaning up the blood and the large pieces of glass. There was a lot of blood. The guy must have really hurt himself. The police think he was very high, paranoid and probably didn't feel much pain. I didn't get a good look at him, but I hope to attend some of his court dates to see him and get the whole story.

It made for quite a scare and adrenaline rush. It wasn't as dangerous a situation as it seemed at the time, but my wife and I have never had a more terrifying experience than being woken up by shattering glass. A neighbor lent us a board to put over the window, and we went to bed. We kept our son in bed with us. He and I fell back asleep, but my wife didn't sleep much at all. We both took the day off today to clean up and get a new window. By tonight, everything will be back to normal.

Unfortunately, I didn't think to take pictures of the "crime scene" with the blood and broken glass. Today, though we found out another uninvited guest entered our home though the now-open window:




It looked more menacing in person. When I smushed it outside, it was quite juicy and left a lot of guts on my shoe. So much gore!

BTW, the answer to last week's Who Am I? is:

Chris(topher) Columbus.

Moon over Murray

Don't worry, I'm not going to get all Dooce on you, but I thought this looked pretty cool.






My wife took these pictures last night as the full moon was coming over the mountains. Our 5-year old has been checking his calendar waiting for the full moon, but it didn't start to come out until after 10. We woke him up to see it, but he wasn't as enthusiastic while half asleep. The picture quality is admittedly low, but we don't have a proper digital camera, just a digital camcorder that takes pictures that we can't figure out how to manually focus. If you're looking for good pictures, go look at The Stolen Girlfriend's old posts.

Oh, and for you stalkers out there, you can see I live near a "Best Choice" sign. Happy hunting.

iPod: "Fuck and Run" by Liz Phair, "Idea Track" by Idlewild, "Life Is but a Dream" by Tanya Donelly, and "Belafonte's Inferno" by The Dead Milkmen.

I think I'm happy with this

When the internet lets you down, and you can't find a good picture of a sloppy, greasy steak and cheese sub, well then, you just have to take matters into your own hands. So I went out and got said sloppy and greasy sub and photographed it for this site. And then I had to eat it. See the sacrifices I make for you!

I'll stick with this header, for a while at least. Hope you like, and thanks for the feedback in this process. Here are some of the inadequate candidates I collected off the net:



And of course, my beloved:




Okay, I'll stop with the sandwiches. Sorry.

No takers on the Who Am I Question? Maybe I should stick to actors instead of directors. I'll post the answer to that and the marble question on Wednesday, unless someone wants more time.

iPod: "I Wanna Know" by Weezer and "Limelight" (live) by Rush, "Death's Alright With Me" by The Dead Milkmen, "Beyond Belief" by Elvis Costello (LOVE this song!).

Here's the Triple Play!

1. Internet Game: Grid Game. It's not a thinking/strategy game, but it's pretty neat. I got 646 on my third try, but haven't got anywhere near that since. Post your high scores in the comments.

2. Brain Teaser: Distribute nine marbles in four boxes so that each box contains an odd number of marbles and no two boxes contain the same number of marbles. You must use all nine marbles. (I struggled with this, so my wife looked up the answer and I asked her yes/no questions. I got close, but was missing something, and she gave me the solution. I'll give hints if you would like.)

3. Let's do another Who Am I, since I can't think of anything else:

I am a director who has directed many computer-graphics-filled movies and who learned my craft from working with Steven Spielberg early in my career. Virtually every school child in America recognizes my name. Who am I?

Hope you're not waiting for anything.

I totally planned on surprising you all with another installment of CBK Triple Play today, thus introducing it as a regular weekly feature. I kind of flaked, though, and failed to find/make up a) a brain teaser puzzle, b) an internet game, and c) a movie trivia question. So I'm 0 for 3. I've been too concerned with my precious header. Plus, inconsistency is kind of my "thing".

I'll try to put something together tonight.

In the mean time, please enjoy two recent Spamusement cartoons I really enjoyed:
"I Know What You Did Last Summer" and
"It's Not a Joke"

iPod: "Jesus Walking on the Water" by Violent Femmes.

Well?

What do you think of the new header? Colors, size, appetizing-ness, lame-osity?

Flame, or praise, away!

iPod: "Scars & Stitches" by Guster.

How do you like them sandwiches?

Well, there are my temporary blog title pics. I moved them here after I FINALLY figured out how to do what I wanted within the draconian confines of my chosen Blogger Template. I still can't really figure out this HTML crap. I stole my idea from The Sarcastrix's Beandog site.



And hold your mouse pointer over the pics to see what else I figured out how to do!

iPod: "Date to Church" by The Replacements. Funny song.

Short and sweet

The few remaining fragments of virtue that I cling to are slowly slipping away. I haven't had caffeine in over 2 years (except in chocolate and tiramisu) and have stuck with non-diet, non-cola soda religiously. I decided that I didn't need the caffeine or the aspartame, and was probably doing my body a favor staying away. But lately I really want a Pepsi. Maybe I can try a caff-free one. But it still makes me feel guilty.

I also swore off of golf over 3 years ago, seeing as how it only makes me angry and my hands hurt. I don't have the time or the money to get as good as I want to be, so I just said, "screw it." Now I drive by golf courses and really, really want to be out there on the beautiful fairways, hitting arcing iron shots onto firm greens and breathing the fresh Spring air. If I cave, the experience won't be anything like that, but the fantasy stills tempts me.

I'm going to experiment with a picture on the header of this blog, something that really defines me. I was going to do this anyway, but since Bliss doesn't have an image that defines me, I'm forced to give him one, lest I be left out of one of his lists. ;-)

iPod: "I'm a Message" by Idlewild, "Glorified G" by Pearl Jam and "Afraid to Fail" by Josh Rouse (Wow, two days in a row.)

A Cautionary Tale

I'm going to tell you all a story that might make you laugh, or wince, or maybe even get angry. Regardless of your reaction, let it be an important lesson about cell phone use while driving.

I lived in Denver for a little over a year. I loved it there, and it seems like I lived there for several years. I met a lot of people and had a lot of fun. One night I was at a birthday party for a friend, and met one of his friends there. She was pretty cool, and we talked a lot about music. Later, the party moved from the bar to an apartment, and this woman and I kept hanging out and talking until about 3, or so. I wasn't very interested in her romantically, but we had a lot in common and I was open to anything developing. I had recently become single, or at least separated. One of the things that came up that night was her messed up relationships with guys in the past. Not in great detail, but she had some problems with a stalker type and other losers. Another topic that arose was the upcoming Breeders reunion show coming to town. She had tickets and I said that I would get tickets and we agreed to meet up there. She gave me her number. The day of the show I left work and decided to call her and make plans for when and where she wanted to meet up. I was in my car when I called.

She wasn't home, and I got her answering machine. She didn't say her name in her outgoing message. I felt uneasy about leaving a message because I wasn't positive I had her number right, and I had never called her before. As I was listening to her message, trying to recognize her voice, I noticed that the lane I was in was about to end. I checked my left-side mirror to make sure that I could get over. I could see, in the mirror, another car coming up behind me, accelerating to pass and not let me get over. Being the passive-aggressive Masshole I am, I started cursing the driver of the car. I believe my exact words were "Ah, you fuckin' cunt, you fuckin' asshole."

Then I noticed that I was still holding my cell phone. You know what cartoon characters look like when they're really shocked? Eyes wide open, mouth agape, large exclamation points shooting out of their heads? That was me.

I pressed the end button immediately. I didn't know what to do. I had no idea what I may have recorded on her answering machine, or if I even got to the recording part. I decided that I had to call back and leave a message explaining the message just to cover the possibility it had been recorded. I called, and told her it was CBK, from the party, and that I was very sorry, but I may have just left an obscenity-laden message on her machine. I was driving, I explained, and had a little bit of road-rage and didn't realize that I was still on the phone. Then I told her that I was going to the club at whatever time and to call me back on my cell to let me know when she and her friends were going to show up. Then all I could do was wait.

I ate some dinner and went to the club, with no word from her. I was hanging out at the club before the opening band started and my phone rang. It was her. She sounded okay, and told me she was on her way. I again said I didn't know what may have been on her machine, but that I was very sorry for the incident. She said it was okay. When she got to the club I learned that it wasn't okay. She had decided not to call me back at all, but a friend of hers told her that she had to, since she had kind of invited me to the show. She was very shaken by the message, and just could not accept that I had done it by accident. "You just don't do that," she kept saying. All I could say was that I did, but it was an accident and was not directed at her. One of her guy friends was there, and when I told him the story he laughed his head off. He had a good attitude about it, although I suspect she had him along to protect her from the psycho she thought I was.

We had a great time at the show and a bunch of us went to an after-hours bar later. She and I talked a bunch, and she told me a lot about her family and her relationship with her dad. Things seemed to be going really well, that I had regained her trust after The Message. She even drove me home.

I called her a couple days later because I had promised to make her a CD of Belly/Tanya Donelly B-sides. She never called me back. Our mutual friend told me that she had some rough experiences with guys so I just let it go. I guess I had done more damage than I thought. I still feel kind of bad, but I also think it's a damn funny story. One for the grandkids.

So you see, talking on your phone while driving can cause more than just car accidents. It can also wreck an innocent person's delicate psyche and ruin the potential for friendship. So be careful out there.

iPod: "Gagged and Tied" by that dog., "I'd Rather Be Wine Drunk" by The City on Film, "Color Pictures of a Marigold" by Foo Fighters, "You" by Pearl Jam, and "Hey Porcupine" by Josh Rouse.

Time's up, put down your pencils.

Here's the answer to the logic-professors-ordering-dishes question:

Night one they order- A,A,B,C,D. This way they can name dish A.
Night two they order- B,E,E,F,G. Now they know dish B because they recognize it from the night before and dish E.
Night three they order- C,F,H,H,I. They remember C from night one, so they name it, they remember F from night two and identify it, they remember D from night one and can identify it because they never saw it again, same for G from night two. They can name H because it is the only doubled dish on night three, and I because it is the only non-doubled dish they have never seen.

This is the way I came up with, but there are several correct answers depending on which dishes you double and when. I'll post another game on Friday, probably.

iPod: "Vancouver" by Violent Femmes and "Lantern" by Tanya Donelly.

Well aren't you special!

Because you're all getting the CBK Triple Play!

1. Here's the second brainteaser:

A particular inn always offers the same nine dishes on its dinner menu labeled A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, and I.Five foreigners arrive. Nobody tells them which dish corresponds to each letter and so they each select one letter without knowing what they will eat.The innkeeper arrives with the five dishes ordered and puts them in the center of the table so that they can decide who eats what.This goes on for two more nights.The foreigners, who are professors of logic, were able to deduce by the dishes they ordered which letter represents what dish.What could have been the dishes ordered each of the three nights?

Just post each night's dishes in the comments, no need for lengthy explanations. There are multiple correct answers, but the one I came up with is the most logical [;-)] so if anyone gets it the same way I did, they'll get the "Great Minds Think Alike Bonus" of 100 points.

2. This game is currently driving me crazy. I'm probably overthinking it. Try it out, it's pretty cool. Petals Around the Rose. Don't tell me how to solve it if you figure it out.

3. Movie trivia question: Who am I?

-I've directed several movies starring classic SNL cast members.

-I've acted in several movies costarring classic SNL cast members.

-I'm most famous for my voice acting.

I'm amenable to giving hints if anyone would like. Good luck and good night.

Give me the gold medal!

I know I may seem like a man of substance and integrity, but I'm here to disabuse you of that notion. I can actually be very petty.

I was reading Runners' World today (ignore the gross hypocrisy for the moment). That magazine can make me feel very bad about myself, reading about 2:30:00 marathon runners who have three kids, cross-train for triathlons, work 12 hours a day at high pressure jobs, and organize charity events for fun. But today I saw something that made me feel really good. Turns out Kerri Strug (the Olympic gymnast and Bela Karolyi accessory) is now a runner who has run 3 marathons and finished a bit over 4 hours in each one. I, ahem, ran my first marathon a bit under 4 hours. Kerri, a gold-medal winning athlete, ran the Houston marathon (a famously flat and quick race) twice, and both times couldn't break 4 hours.

See what I mean? Petty, immature, and insecure.

But just as I'm feeling pretty good about myself, I find out what Kerri's third marathon was: the Boston Marathon. I'd love to run the Boston Marathon. There's a slight problem, though. I, like other normal people, need to qualify for it. I would have to run 3:10:00 in an eligible marathon to qualify. That's about 50 minutes off my personal best. So not only was Kerry allowed into the Boston Marathon on the basis of, I'm guessing, her celebrity, but she ran 4:14. Which means that she was allowed to start at the front. I know someone who ran the Boston, and he told me that it is not a race to post a record. It's so crowded that you're essentially walking for the first mile or two. But Kerri gets to lead off the damn race like some honorary grand marshal, qualifying requirements be damned.

Petty, petty petty.

Watching "Stacked" on Fox: Pamela Anderson has some scary-ass nipples.

Here's a brain teaser, courtesy of my wife, for all of you to work on until I get a movie trivia question together:

An ancient Greek was said to have lived one fourth of his life as a boy, one fifth as a youth, one third as a man, and to have spent the last 13 years as an elderly gent. How old was he when he died?

This place is dead anyway.

So why not post about another amusing thing I found going through my client's dusty accounting archives.

Invoice from: Stephens, Inc. in Little Rock, Arkansas.

Service provided: "Proxy Solicitin"

I wouldn't have laughed if the company were from New York. I also had to go back to Mr. Poon and see this again. Man, that's funny! Maybe it's time to stop for the day.

I think it might also be time for some more movie trivia, starting with the source of this post's title. Name the film, and let me know if you'd like a movie title clue question (a la my baby posts) or a Kevin Bacon question. Or anything else you'd like to play. You can even throw out your own trivia question and I promise to answer it from my head or give up.

I swear, no cheatin!

I gotta get a piece of this!

I guess I can't really blame this on Bush and the Republicans, since it seems to be a well-entrenched, moronic feature of the military; but why the hell is the Army giving its over-charging contractors bonuses, when there's already insane amounts of profit factored into their bids?!?!?!?!? AND while there's an exponentially-growing deficit?!?!

I'm sure that there's some small service I can perform for the Army, troop-entertainment maybe, or condiment package integrity tester, that I can charge about 1-2 million for. Then after about a year of inadequately performing on the contract, I can get a sweet, multi-thousand dollar bonus. I'm not greedy, I just need enough to pay off my loans, buy a house or two, retire, and put my kids through college. In the grand scheme of things, it would really be a miniscule amount. Just shave a half of a percentage point off of one of those Halliburton bonuses and I'll be fine.

Motherfuckers!

Heh heh...

I just found a check made out to one "Stanley B. Reamsbottom".

I kid you not.

Feel free to offer suggestions as to what the "B" stands for.

P.S.- Hapland sure is a frustrating game!

That's your mother!

Not sure I got that quote right, but it's from an ex-girlfriend and her roommate. Whenever they would mock daytime trash talk shows like Jerry Springer and Montel, they would use that line. I never saw the episode they were referring to, but they really enjoyed it.

So anyway, did you all treat your mommies well yesterday? I had two mothers to honor. It's usually easy to get a card for my mom, but annoyingly difficult for my wife. I went to 4 stores before I found an acceptable card. They were all over-the-top corny and/or butt ugly. It's hard to get a card that says what you want it to, so I look for cards with few words, but they were few and far between this Mother's Day. It was a good MD, with nice weather most of the day.

I have some exciting news: I solved all 4 stages of the "Free the Balloon" game I linked earlier. I admit, I got a hint from a google search when my attempts to solve Level 1 were continuously frustrated. After that I got them all, and found another similar game that appears to be harder.

Click here for the 4-level Balloon Game. If you would like the hint I got, just leave a comment and ask for it.

Click here for Hapland, the new challenge. I have no hints to give because I have no idea what to do yet.

The Diet Pepsi commercial with the guy "kicking it old-school" is kind of funny, but why the hell do they use "Can't Touch This"? That's hardly "old-school" rap. They should have used Rapper's Delight. Stupid, stupid!

Sorry this post is so boring. How about another random picture from my hard drive?



Two of my favorite all-time Boston Bruins, celebrating their Stanley Cup win... with the Colorado Avalanche.

Ray Bourque and Dave Reid. And I was at the parade!

My Wife Is Better Than Yours, Part 3

We work in the same office, and sit across the hall from each other. I look over and can see only her eyes over her computer monitor. She sits there, very statuesque as we swap funny emails back and forth, all the while maintaining what looks like a straight, business like face. It's pretty cool! That not enough for ya? Well, if you only knew what she did while I was on my online-class conference call last weekend!

iPod: "Lunatic to Love" by The Presidents of the U.S.A. and "Spirits in the Material World" by The Police. (during which I always want to replace the lyrics "rhetoric of failure" with "Treaty of Westphalia".)

I'm Half Asleep, It's Friday

I'm not a Bright Eyes listener (should probably check 'em out one of these days) but I thought I'd riff on them for a post title.

News Flash: it just started raining pint-sized water globules outside! Damn!

Globules is a cool word.

Anyway, it's Friday, and I'm tired, and don't have much to say, and I wish people would leave more comments! Didn't anyone enjoy (or get) my Book Meme joke? Oh well.

I was reminded last night of another song to put on my perfect song list:

"Don't Worry Baby" by The Beach Boys. In my book, by far their greatest song (not that I've heard them all) and one of the Greatest America Songs. The fact that it's not perfect makes it so perfect. He crams so many damn syllables into it, it's genius! Listen to the first verse and marvel at the syncopated mouthful! In the chorus, instead of saying "Everything will be alright" and fit it into the rhythm of the song, he adds more words, turning it into "Everything will turn out alright." I don't know why, but that flaunting of convention, the truth and sweetness of the lyrics, and the great falsetto and harmonies make it a Perfect Song. There are several Indigo Girl songs that throw in a too-many-syllables lick here and there, and I love it (when tastefully done).

What? What's so funny? Yeah, I like the Indigo Girls. So what? Well, screw you!

I'm going to be out of town next week, so expect talk of ironing and rambling posts about what I'm watching on TV at 1 am. I bet you can't wait.

Have a nice weekend all!

iPod: "Bedlam Boys" by Michael Penn, "Undone (The Sweater Song)" by Weezer and "This Ruined Puzzle" by Dashboard Confessional.

OH YEAH! I forgot to talk about the ABC special about Paula Abdul and Corey Clark. You know who should be suing ABC? Not Paula (because she SO did it!) but Randy! The shows producers could have just mentioned that Randy used to play with Journey, but they went the extra mile and showed, multiple times, embarrassing footage of Randy, in spandex pants, rocking onstage with Steve Perry. Good on you, ABC! That was great stuff.

I am as shocked as you all will be!

Vegetable Medley actually responded with his Book Meme answers!!! Here it is, copied and pasted and straight from the source!

1. You're stuck inside Fahrenheit 451, which book do you want to be?

That's a tough one, but I think it has to be The Divine Secrets of the Ya Ya Sisterhood. Assuming it's not already taken!

2. Have you ever had a crush on a fictional character?

Fictional? I guess it's Melony from The Cider House Rules. John Irving imbued her with such raw sexuality, I couldn't stop thinking about her. But my true love-from-the-page is Lady Chablis from Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil, which technically isn't fiction.

3. The last book you bought is?

My Life So Far, by Jane Fonda. Can't wait to crack it open!

4. What are you currently reading?

Why Black Men Love White Women, by Rajen Persaud. Talk about an eye-opener!

5. Five books you would take to a deserted island:

-Rush Visions: The Official Biography, by Bill Banasiewicz
-The Rod McKuen Omnibus
-Couplehood, by Paul Reiser. It's so true!
-Treason, by Anne Coulter (for the pictures on the dust jacket)
-The New Yorker Book of Cat Cartoons. Say no more, Squire!

6. Who are you going to pass this stick to (3 persons) and why?

1. My idol and inspiration, Rosie O'Donnell.
2. Vain Vindaloo, to see if he really can read.
3. Tom Delay, because I bet he could use a nice pick-me-up.

Ladies and Gentlemen, I present...

PICTURES!

I've decided to use Tinypic.com for hosting. You don't need to register or pay or anything. True you don't get your own folder, because all pictures are stored together randomly (and you can scroll though pics uploaded by other people), but that's all I need for now. I'm planning on posting random pics with my posts...

like an old photo of Thanks to Gravity:



or a lovely holiday scene:



or pictures of my former cats that my ex-wife kept in the divorce:




or the Star Wars Ghetto:




Isn't' it great?!?! Now I just have to learn how to size the suckers so they're not so friggin' huge.

I'll probably put a picture at the top of the blog, too, to give this place some character. Progress, Baby, progress!

iPod: "Diane" by Guster, "Floaty: by Foo Fighters, "Morna" by Tanya Donelly, and "Plateau" by Nirvana.

Notes, 5/5/05: Some of you may have noticed a certain picture missing that was here yesterday. Apparently it wasn't so cool with my friend, so I replaced it with one of equal hilarity. And I figured out how to resize them so my links aren't pushed down to the bottom.

You Bastards!

I'm not one to quickly play the race card in anything, and I can't really think of a way this could have been planned, but What The Fuck is up with Uchenna and Joyce winning two stages in a row on The Amazing Race and NOT getting any kind of prize, when ALL the other stage winners got trips or cars of other stuff?!?!?! I can't believe they got so hosed! Then Asshole Rob and Could I Borrow a Personality Amber win last night, and Shazam! the first place prize is reinstated! Motherfuckers! Like I said, I don't know how they could have conspired against the only black contestants on the show, but they certainly shafted the nicest ones.

I found a way to conveniently and freely host pictures while at work, so expect a post later with some picture experimentation. I'll probably also add some pictures to my template. I'm excited!

iPod: It's off, because I was on a 1 hour 20 minute phone call and haven't turned it back on yet.
There, now it's on: "They'll Need a Crane" by They Might Be Giants and "Milwaukee Sky Rocket (live)" by Braid. Yesterday was Pearl Jam day on the shuffle. Braid's been kind of prominent today. I should do an All Braid day soon.

Sorry, Jade.

I've been a baaaaad boy! I haven't been posting, and my friend Jade has nothing to break up her days filled with caring for her newborn. I wish I had more to say these days, but the truth is I'm busy at work and generally uninspired. I don't have any news to hide in movie trivia. I haven't seen anything online that is really funny/ infuriating/ amusingly pornographic to post about. I am stuck on this game though: Free the Balloon, on Gorilla Mask. Can anyone figure out how to free the balloon without popping it? I can't, but I WILL, mark my words!

Gorilla Mask is pretty neat, with cool videos and stuff. Both Bob and Bliss have linked to it, thus tipping me off to its coolness. Poke around there, you'll find lots of neat stuff. It reminds me of Ham n Cheez, a site I linked a long time ago that I just stopped visiting, because I'm a lazy, forgetful S.O.B. (just ask my friends who I don't email or call for months on end). I think I'm going to put links to Ham n Cheez and Gorilla Mask on the right to remind me to check them out. (I just tried to open Ham n Cheez to link it, but it won't come up. Maybe it's gone.) I'm also going to link to posts of my creative (hackish) writing. So far there's my Shakespeare cheesesteak essay and the Legend of VM. This way my faithful readers can cherish them without searching through the archives, and newbies can benefit from them as well.

Aside from work I've been doing parenting. Our son is getting big and smart and strong! He's an incredibly sweet and caring boy, but he loves to beat the shit out of me. My wife says that's what boys do with their dads, but I never did anything like that. Sure, I liked to practice karate moves on stuffed animals and trees, but my dad was noticeably absent as a punching bag during my childhood. (Don't worry, this is not a couch session about my relationship with my dad.) So I don't want to discourage him, and be the bad guy and spoil his fun, but he hits pretty hard sometimes, and sometimes he jumps on me, landing on his knees/shins. That can hurt. I guess I'm just a big wimp. Sometimes I hit back a bit, but I end up hurting him a little and he starts to cry and I feel like an ass. What's a dad to do? I don't think many of you have experience with this "dilemma" so I don't know what I expect you to say.

So, no takers on the jowling proposition? It's not dirty, I swear. Check out the link. It's funny.

My wife and I spent some time with a brain puzzle book the other night, and she suggested that I post some on this site to get readers to guess the answers. I think I just might. What do y'all think?

iPod: "Walking After You" by Foo Fighters, "Register Side" by Buffalo Tom, "Bobsled" by Thanks to Gravity, "Absolute Zero Drive" by Hey Mercedes, "Your Racist Friend" by They Might Be Giants, "Nothingwrong" by Jimmy Eat World (who played SLC last night, but I skipped it. I'm not convinced that they're very good live), "Given to Fly (live)" by Pearl Jam