Friday, August 26, 2005

Yeah, Baby!

If you're wondering what could have kept me from all blogging activity today, here's the answer:

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I present little CBK Junior, born August 26, 2005!

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Wednesday, August 24, 2005

Say hello to my little friend!

Jinx and I are both on the verge of having babies (or rather, our beautiful wives are) so I've decided to humor his silly and authority-less proclamation of Blog Bunny Day.

Me sucky at the drawy.

Scary, huh? And I haven't even seen Donnie Darko! There are supposed to be two teeth there, but I think the translation to jpeg screwed that up. I wasn't going anywhere near trying a body or basket of eggs or anything like that. And don't ask me why I colored it, because that was kind of a bitch.

Thanks for bringing so much joy to my night, Jinx. ;-)

If you want to see a really good bunny, check out Rachel's.

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That annoying work thing

As most of you know, my wife and I are about to have a baby. We also work together, and I rely on her a great deal to help get my shit done. After the baby comes she's leaving the job, thus taking away my reliable source of help (not making you feel guilty, Sweetie!). I've got a deadline coming soon, so I'm trying to get everything done before the birth so that I can benefit from her services, and also not have to worry about any of it while I'm swimming in the blissful chaos of having a new baby in the house. So long story short, the only way I can ensure I get my work done is to impose a blog-out upon myself, which means no posting, no reading, no commenting while at work until it's all done. I may post from home, but lately I've been going to bed early instead of partaking in my usual night-owl proclivities. So bear with me if you don't see anything here or don't see me on your blog making lame-ass comments. I'm just trying out a little self-discipline. If I succeed at that, hopefully it will carry over to my non-existent exercise routine. Right now the only way to tell my belly from my wife's is the Happy Trail. Wish me luck.

In the reader submission category, my ex-girlfriend emailed me another embarrassing moment that had slipped my mind. I was doing our laundry in a laundromat once, and while taking her dirty clothes out of the bag I came upon a pair of her panties with a pad still attached. While such a discovery in a public place can be very embarrassing, I wouldn't put it in the top five. I'm a pretty easy-going guy. If anyone else out there knows me and remembers one of my embarrassing moments, feel free to let me know about it.

Oh, and that show Stella on Comedy Central... Hilarious!

That's it for now, talk to you all soon.

iPod: "A Dozen Roses (live)" by Braid, "Beyond Belief" by Elvis Costello, "Exhausted" by Foo Fighters, "Reason 346" by Jimmy Eat World and "Big Scary Place" by The Dead Milkmen.

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Sunday, August 21, 2005

Baring my soul...

To make you chuckle.

I'm going to list the 5 most embarrassing moments of my life. The reason I'm doing this is to tell you all the last item, which happened recently, and to give you some context of why this recent event was so humiliating to me. This kind of post would make an interesting meme, but since I've adopted a "I don't pass along memes" policy, it will be up to you readers to steal it and post it in your own blogs. And by "steal" I mean, "would you please consider doing it because I would find your 5 things interesting to read, but I'm not going to tag you with it." NOTE: there will probably be several references to Jade, my childhood friend from Hometown, USA. I don't mean to pay her disproportionate attention, but she knows things about some of these incidents, and I have to shout-out to her when reminiscing about them.

1. In fourth grade, I made it to my elementary school's spelling bee finals. I was always a good speller in school, and really enjoyed the competition of the qualifying round in my class. The finals were onstage in front of the whole school, and I think with parents present. In my memory it all went wrong on the first word I was given, although I may have repressed several successfully-spelled words that came before The Word. The Word was "juice". "J-U-I-C-E". "Juice" I panicked and said "Juice. J-I-U-C-E. Juice" I knew it was wrong as soon as it left my mouth. I had to sit on the stage for the rest of the bee, where I spelled every other word in the competition correctly in my head. Jade, Super Extra Bonus Points to you if you can remember who won the bee. (I do remember, and I distinctly remember seeing Gunnar Cahoon celebrating at the moment of victory).

2. I played youth basketball as a kid, and I stunk. It was never a favorite sport of mine, but my parents put me and my brother into the recreation sports leagues to get us out of the house, so there wasn't much choice involved on my part. I think I defended well, but I was not what you'd call a scoring threat. I remember one year before the last game of the season my coach pulled me aside to motivate me to play more aggressively. He showed me a stat sheet that showed the total points I had scored up to that point in the season. I believe the amount was "2". To emphasize the degree of my ineptitude, he also showed me the point total of one of my teammates. This teammate was a large, slow girl. Her point total was "4". Definitely a low moment, but during that game I also remember making a pass from the top of the key, driving the lane, getting the ball back and laying it in; a perfect give-and-go. Jade, I won't say the girl's name, but I'll give you this hint: In 7th grade, when we were rehearsing our Wizard of Oz spoof, she couldn't make it because she had made "previous plans." The plans turned out to be riding lessons, which you and I dubbed as "previous plans to kill a horse."

3. I took French for 2 years in middle school and all 4 years of high school. As you can imagine, I saw a lot of the same people in those classes. There were usually two sessions of French, one in the morning and one in the afternoon. One day during Sophomore year there was going to be a French test. I was in the afternoon class and had spoken with someone from the morning class about the test. I was told that the test wasn't that bad. This made me happy. On my way to said French class to take said test, I saw one of my French compatriots, Cara Williams, at her locker. While walking by I said to Cara, "Cara, I heard the French test isn't that bad." Cara replied "Really?" As I continued down the hall I remembered that Cara was not in my French class anymore. In fact, though I had been in French classes with her for the last three years, that year she had left French and moved to Spanish. I felt like SUCH an idiot. It doesn't sound bad, but it really hit me hard when it happened. It still gets to me when I try to imagine what she must have been thinking when she heard me and replied as if she knew what I was talking about. She was probably thinking something like, "So what, you dork!"

4. I was standing at the time, which was unusual, and concentrating, which was not unusual. I was a Sophomore in college, and in my dorm room. I heard a click at the door and my heart leapt, my adrenaline surged. I didn't have time to put it away, let alone zip up, so I crouched and covered myself. In walked my roommate. In a somber voice, I asked him to please close the door. He did, and got a worried look on his face. "Are you okay, are you hurt? he asked. "No, I'm not hurt," I replied. After a few seconds of silence the light of realization shone down on him, and a knowing grin spread wide upon his face. He left the room for a moment to let me compose myself, and then laid into me with ridicule the way best friends so effectively do. I would have put this at the top of the list had the topic of masturbation and sex not been such a frequent conversation piece for us. On the Scarring Scale I'd put this one at about a 5.

5. I love hockey. I love playing hockey. My preferred position is to play goalie. I think I'm a pretty good goalie. I play in a floor hockey league. Last week I didn't play so well, although my team won handily. This past week I was determined to play better. During warm-up I was feeling good, even intentionally picking off shots, out of the air, with the thin part of my stick above my blocker glove. During gameplay, though, I sucked. Really sucked. No, I mean rrrreeeeaaaaaallllllyyyyy SUCKED! They were beating me low to both sides, over my catching glove, leaving me sprawling on the floor during breakaways while they traipsed around and gently tapped the ball in the net. The guy who NEVER EVER EVER scores scored on me. All told I think I let in 13 goals. I was feeling bad about letting so many in, and made apologies to my teammates, who didn't seem overly annoyed at my performance. Late in the second half, though, one of the players on my team informed me that my leg pads were mixed up and on the wrong legs. I haven't felt that level of shame in a long time. I wanted to leave and never come back.

Not a good day, that one. Live and learn.

BTW, I saw a show on ABC tonight that I really enjoyed. It's called My Kind of Town, and it's a really interesting and entertaining concept, and well-executed to boot. I've never heard of it before, but apparently tonight's episode was the second (you've failed me, Entertainment Weekly!) Check out the website to learn about the show, because I'm too tired to go into it all right now. Sorry.

I taped The Office "marathon" NBC showed this week and watched the shows Saturday night. I love it. It's a really funny show, but the "Diversity Day" episode was just uncomfortable, almost painful, to watch. It was funny, but it was hard to laugh at it.

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Friday, August 19, 2005

[Clever, punny title using the word "meme"]

Third try at the song meme from Camo Girl.

"List five songs that you are currently digging...it doesn't matter what genre they are from, whether they have words, or even if they're any good but they must be songs you're really enjoying right now. Post these instructions, the artists, and the five songs in your blog. Then tag five other people to see what they're listening to."

Does currently mean "these days" or "right now"? Not too much playing on repeat in my head these days, but I'll give it a try.

1. "Your Mamma" by Kennedy. I think it's funny, but it's about to get really fucking annoying. Like "may I please borrow your .357 Magnum to blow my brains out?" annoying.
2. "Out of Routine" by Idlewild. It came on in the car one day this week, then on the iPod the next, and it just really rocks.
3. "Cyclops Rock" by They Might Be Giants. Came on the iPod yesterday and I love it.
4. Fine, I'll say "Mr. Brightside" by the Killers! I don't like the band, but I thinks it's a really good song. I liked the solo acoustic version done last week by Marty on Rock Star: INXS. There have been two Killers songs done on the show so far. Quite the eager selling-out beaver, aren't we, Brandon Flowers?
5. I've been doing a Phish shuffle and I'm bopping to "Weekapaug Groove" from Slip, Stitch and Pass right now. Good stuff.

I pass this on to Thomas Edison, Ludwig Van Beethoven, Clara Barton, Sun Tzu, and Pope John Paul II.

What? They're all dead? Oh well.

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Thursday, August 18, 2005

Now I Understand Her Rage

The Hot Librarian's rage, that is. I was trying to post my responses to a song meme from Camo Girl and my fucking browser crashed twice and I lost my post. Twice! So I'm giving up for tonight. Trying to write it again would be less fun than watching the storied New England Patriots' defense blow an 11 point lead in the fourth quarter and lose by ten points. And that sucked a big one. Yeah, I know it was a preseason game and the second and third teamers were out there, but come on!

[Grumble!]

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WHAT?!?!?

Outdoor Life Network? But I don't get Outdoor Life Network!

#*!%$^@ ESPN bastards!

iPod: "Cyclops Rock" by They Might Be Giants and "Smile" by Pearl Jam.

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Wednesday, August 17, 2005

Another great flick on late

This time it's Starship Troopers! Favorite line: "Rico! You know what to do." You can't beat Michael Ironside for B action movies. And Doogie rocks the house in this one, too. Neil Patrick Harris is an insanely talented actor/performer. He needs to be used more. Too bad Doogie Howser laid kind of a stigma on him.

I read the book the movie is "based on" and it's better than the movie, but very different. It's a quick read and I recommend it. The movie's a great action cheese-fest, and I recommend it, as well.

Good night, folks.

UPDATE: I just remembered something. When Starship Troopers first came out I liked it so much I went to see it again in the theater with my friend Vegetable Medley, who wasn't really excited about seeing it again so he smuggled in beer. How sad is that?

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I broke down and accepted a meme again

Because I'm all about embarrassing myself. First seen on Lulu, and expounded upon by Cowboy Matty: 5 of my idiosyncrasies.

1. I believe that I can control the outcome of sporting events with my sitting position or how I arrange my hands or feet. I think this particular trait began with Michael Chang's French Open victory over Stefan Edberg in the 1989 French Open men's finals. Since then I KNOW that what I do while watching a game is responsible for good or bad things happening. While my wife won't admit to its truth, she has seen the effect of it during the last Super Bowl, when I changed my position and the Eagles scored a touchdown (which was a bad thing). It's particularly dramatic during Boston Bruins playoff games.

2. I don't like getting food on my hands. If given the choice between food eaten with my hands or with utensils, I will choose the utensils, even if I love the hand food. I never order ribs and shy away from chicken on the bone. When forced to eat something with my hands, like chips or rolls, and crumbs get on my fingers, I hold my hand over a plate and rub my fingers together to get them off; a maneuver my wife describes as “feminine”. When I get sauce or grease on my fingers, though, I relish the opportunity to lick and suck it off.

3. I can't find things, even if they're right in front of me. This is mostly a problem when someone else asks me to get something, not when I'm looking for myself. It really drives my wife crazy. I swear I'm not just pretending so I can avoid doing things, I really do not see them.

4. I play several air instruments while driving in my car. It's much worse than John Candy in Planes, Trains and Automobiles (although that is a hilarious scene). The most involved instrument is the drums. I've learned to do the kick drum pretty well with my left foot, because I can’t do it with my right while pressing the gas. I hit several different things in my car depending on what sound the song calls for. The sound of my wedding ring hitting my steering wheel is very useful for wood block or rimshot sounds. Since I don't have any cymbals I do the index-finger-slapping-against-middle-finger move that people do with Skoal cans. I also sing out loud in my car, I don't just lip-synch, but I suppose that's not very unusual.

5. I find things like this video funny (courtesy of Gorilla Mask). Okay, that’s kind of cheap. Let me think of another one. I have a law degree and over $100K in outstanding student loans, but one of my ambitions is to own and operate a sub shop. I've worked in food service a lot during my life, and loved working in sub shops. The product is great, simple, and it's easy to make. You also don't need a lot of overhead or much of an image like a full-service restaurant does. On the other hand, you're not going to see your family much or come close to paying off your loans if you own and operate a sub shop.

iPod: "Time Turned Fragile" by Motion City Soundtrack, "I Hope You're Happy Now" by Elvis Costello, "Fall Down" by Toad the Wet Sprocket, “Death and Destruction” by Weezer, "Between the Bars" by Elliott Smith, “Out of its Misery” by Michael Penn, Weird Noisy Song at the End of Nirvana's Nevermind hidden in the "Something in the Way" track, and "Another Girl, Another Planet (live)" by The Replacements.

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Real Beautiful Women - New York Edition

Real Hottie

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Real Cutie

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Real Pretty (tie)

1.
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2.
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Pretty #2 has cake, so I had to include her!

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Monday, August 15, 2005

I'd like your help

First of all, I'm not really changing the name of the site. Sometimes you just have to commit to a joke, you know. :-)

I'm having trouble wrapping my mind around some things.

First is the issue of George Bush's humanity. As explained VERY favorably in this Newsweek article, Bush is a very compassionate (and apparently very touchy) man who shares moments of deep emotion and caring with families of dead service men and women. According to the article, Bush's meetings aren't screened for partisan supporters, there's no script, and the media isn't allowed inside. The emotion and fatigue he shows after these meetings is quite convincing to those present, and I have no real reason to doubt that it's genuine. I can't imagine what it would be like to meet with surviving family members of slain soldiers, ESPECIALLY if it was universally believed, good or bad, that I bore responsibility for their deaths. Being in that situation would be unfathomably difficult.

But where was that humanity during the rush to war? He knew that people would die, and that the justifications they used were bunk. I can understand supporters of the war justifying it now as part of the essential war on terror, necessary to promote democracy and stability in a chaotic area traditionally hostile to American interests, blah blah blah; but I can't take anyone seriously who believes that the invasion was justified AT THE TIME OF THE INVASION for the reasons given by the Administration, the reasons/marketing pitches that the Administration has since been forced to abandon. The war has become necessary because of the invasion; a self-fulfilling prophecy of sorts. But that should be no comfort to the families of the dead. Like the woman who is camping out across from Bush's ranch during his 5-week vacation. Where is his compassion for her. He still refuses to meet with her (although he has met with her in the past, during one of his base visits, I believe).

From whence comes all this emotion? Is he feeling regret or guilt for sticking to an arguably ill-advised policy decision that had too many human casualties? Is he a pawn in a larger machine, for which he is the unfortunate figurehead who must face these families? Is he a brilliant empath/actor that turns it on for these families and then is back on the warhawk train when he's back in the limo? Or are both his forceful resolve and heartfelt remorse absurdly consistent in his mind? I don't know, what are your thoughts?

The article actually makes me feel sympathy for him and the burden he carries. That sympathy will never make me a supporter. He could have avoided all of this misery had he just not run for President in the first place, or had his legal teams not fought the Florida recount so successfully (I'll refrain from any election-stealing allegations here). He asked for it, and it's good to know that he's paying some kind of price, although not as great a price as some who didn't ask for it.

Issue two is this Burger King ad campaign for the new Chicken Fries. WHAT THE FUCK?!?!? If you haven't seen the surreal commercials, they've formed a hard rock band of men in disturbing chicken costumes that sing songs about Chicken Fries. The band's name is Coq Roq. COQ ROQ! This is their website, where you can hear their songs and learn more about them. I guess because I'm writing about it, it's an effective campaign*; but I wanted to try the fries the second I saw a picture of them in a coupon mailer, when I was blissfully unaware of Coq Roq. (BTW, they were okay. Taste like chicken-flavored mozzarella sticks.) Check out the site for a head trip. The refrain of one of the songs is "Nice box!"

I mean, really, what the fuck!?!?!

UPDATE: I just checked out the lyrics section. I love the second verse of "Cross the Road". Hilarious!

*Sadly, I was not paid to write up the band or the fries. I should have been, though.

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Sunday, August 14, 2005

I Heart MSN Search

My sister site, "Real Beautiful Women", has had a jump in its viewership thanks to MSN Search, which was the first search engine to index that site. As a result, I've had several new visitors there who searched for "beautiful women". I hope none of these people are offended that I sort of cyber-outed them here. There's no shame in searching for "beautiful women". Lots of people want to see "beautiful women". Why do you think I started a site called "Real Beautiful Women"? Because people like to look at "beautiful women", that's why!

In other news, I've decided to change the name of this site to "Big Tit Cum Whores".* Please change your links and blogrolls accordingly.

I'd also like to give a big endorsement shout-out to Soft Scrub ® Liquid Gel. Stuff flat out rocks my shower cleaning routine. Thanks, Soft Scrub ® Liquid Gel!


* Site does not actually contain big tits, cum, or whores.

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The Humans Fight Back!

I've mentioned our in-house insect woes a couple of times, but I haven't really emphasized the severity of our ant problem. There is always a steady stream of ants near our kitchen every day. The problem is compounded by the fact that the ants are really hard to see on our carpet, so we're constantly walking all over them without knowing it. When we do see them, I crouch down, pick them up with my fingers, and crumble them into pieces, but more keep coming back. We had our carpets steam cleaned and thought that might help reduce the frequency of ant sightings, but it hasn't. Our floors aren't covered in crumbs and food spills. We don't often see the ants with any food, they're just walking around.

We finally decided to try something new: the ant can. I thought that these were like roach hotels, i.e. the bug goes in and doesn't come out. Apparently, though, they act as a food/poison source. The hunter ants find them and bring the stuff back to the nest where it kills the rest. SWEET! That's the kind of killing power we were looking for.

We put down three to start off with, and within an hour ants started swarming around the cans. Check it out:

That's right, just go in the little holes.
Now DIE, you fuckers!

We'll see how well they work. If they don't, we might just have to torch the house and start over somewhere else. Or call an exterminator, I guess.

Here's this weekend's floor hockey update. My team won big, but I kind of sucked. We got down 2-0 early. The goals were a result of non-existent defense on my team's part, but the second I should have stopped. We got it to 2-1, but then I let in a pretty soft goal through the five-hole (that's between the legs). I didn't face many shots after that, and my team tied it and kept scoring, giving us a two-goal lead at the half. My team stepped up the defense some more in the second half and I faced very few shots. I let in one more weak goal that I just misplayed, but we ended up winning 9-4. I was happy with the results, but I hope I play better next week. My save percentage was probably about 60%! Ugh!

I made my wife watch the childbirth parts of Bill Cosby: Himself last night. It still makes me laugh.

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Friday, August 12, 2005

Now that's supporting the troops!

So I guess today is Hockey Friday, because my wife just sent me this and I can't NOT write about it.

Hockey Equipment Headed To Troops In Iraq

If you're the type that doesn't click on links, the story is about some groups, including the Boston Bruins Foundation, donating street hockey equipment to troops in Iraq for a small league some of them have formed there.

That is super cool and warms my heart. I can't imagine what it must be like for those men and women over there, but I'm sure a diversion such as hockey is cherished. Although I can't imagine playing goalie in the heat of the Iraqi desert. Oof!

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In the fold

That's right! Joe Thornton will be in Boston for a while. Add to that the short-term signings of the Magical Muscovite, Sergei Samsonov and third-liner extraordinaire P.J. Axelsson, and the Bruins roster is shaping up quite nicely.

Now just three key pieces left: the goalie and two key defensemen.

I know you all care SO much, but I'm excited and don't have anything else to write about.

And don't forget to watch the little film on the right side of the page after following that first link. My eyes got moist when I watched it.

iPod: "Summer of Drugs" by Soul Asylum and "Can't Hardly Wait" by The Replacements.

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Thursday, August 11, 2005

I love classic cinema

Which is why I was so bummed last night when I flipped to Spike and found out that there was less than an hour left of Red Dawn! Love that flick! Luckily I didn't miss two of my three* favorite lines in the movie, both appearing in the same scene:

"I never heard of it!"
"Because.. We live here!"

And yes, Jade, I remember your old joke about Dawn Griswold. Making light of suspected child abuse... Good times!

iPod: "Cactus" by The Pixies, ""Disturbance at the Heron House" by R.E.M., and "Einstein on the Beach (For an Eggman)" by Counting Crows.


* "Matt, RPG!" being the third. "Boys, avenge me!" is the predictable choice.

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Wednesday, August 10, 2005

Where is everyone?

I thought for sure that our son inquiring about our oral sex activities would garner some comments. Or that someone would inquire about the absence of this week's Real Beautiful Women post. Or at least someone saying they were glad I had stopped it. ;-)

I haven't stopped it, (see Connecticut below) but I'm going to have to back off doing it regularly every week. It's pretty damn time consuming! Plus, when you're up until 3 am on Saturday night, and your wife wakes up and asks what you've been doing, "Looking at over 1000 women's personal ads," isn't a very comforting response.* So I still plan on finishing all 50 states, and keeping them all in one place for easy reference (see link at right), but I'll have to get to them when I get to them. I'm going to be busy at home pretty soon because...

My wife is dilated to 2 and half centimeters!!!!! My wife found that out at her doctor's appointment today. And according to the doctor's estimate the baby already weighs about 8 pounds. His due date is a month away, and he's already that big! Our 5 year old was a big baby, too, so big that my wife was induced three days before her due date. If this one doesn't come before about a week and half before the due date, we'll probably induce for him, too. We already know he's got long legs, so I've alerted the scouts that we've got a big, bruising defenseman on the way.

iPod: "The Center" by Tanya Donelly, ""Your House" by Jimmy Eat World, "Sparklers" by Buffalo Tom, "Fall" by Fossil, and "Dance, Motherfucker, Dance" by Violent Femmes.


* Especially to a self-conscious pregnant woman, but you didn't hear that from me. ;-)

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Real Beautiful Women - Connecticut Edition

Real Cutie

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Real Pretty

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Real Hottie

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Monday, August 08, 2005

Instant Recidivism

You may remember an incident at the CBK abode when our house was broken into while we were sleeping. The full account can be found here. If you recall the culprit:

presumably high, carjacked somebody at knifepoint, drove down the road and hit some other cars, ditched the car at the end of our street, and ran to our house, thinking someone was after him with guns. He banged on our door then
broke the window (double pane) with his hands.

Well, that crazy bastard was at it again this weekend! The guy described in this article HAS to be the same one who victimized us. He's got the same name and an almost identical M.O.! Let's review his recent exploits.

Joe Lucero:
- attempted to rob two women at knife point in the parking lot of a convenience store,
- ran to an apartment complex and tried to break into an apartment,
- when that failed, crossed the street and forced two people out of a Jeep at knife point. He took off in the vehicle but rolled it, suffering cuts and bruises.
- then entered an apartment complex, and attempted to break into several apartments, leaving bloody handprints on the doorknobs,
- kicked in the door of the Hernandez family,
- barricaded himself and the family inside their apartment, and when offered money, refused and asked for the toddler. "He looked at me and said, 'The baby."

The police caught him after he fled that apartment without hurting anyone and brought him to the hospital. I'm guessing he was out on bail, but don't know.

What the hell is wrong with this guy? We were supposed to go to court tomorrow to potentially testify in a hearing about what he did in May, but I'm not sure he's going to make it there. I'm dying to see this guy and hear some of what his deal is, if possible.

We should start a support group for the victims of his crimes, because we're getting to be a pretty big bunch.

iPod: "Gone Daddy Gone" by Violent Femmes, "If You Don't, Don't" by Jimmy Eat World.

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Sunday, August 07, 2005

A Small Brush with Fame

The Wife and I went to a birthing class this weekend to prepare for the coming of our new baby. It was pretty good, we learned about labor and birth and stuff. We saw some videos of people having babies that made us both teary-eyed. The nurse who taught it was pretty funny in a dead-pan kind of way. Apparently, though, she's never heard the word "seen" because she invariably used "saw" whenever "seen" would have been correct.

I saw a woman in the class on Friday night who looked familiar to me. In class the next day I thought she looked REALLY familiar and I was sure I had saw, I mean seen, her somewhere before. I was wracking my brain trying to think of where I knew her from. College, law school, restaurant? It was really bugging me when "BAM!" it came to me. She's Jodi Saeland, the meteorologist for the local Fox affiliate. I couldn't find any good current pictures of her, only these embarrassing ones from her Weather Channel days.

Nice dress!
Nice hair!
Nice everything!

You can go to their website and enter a contest to guess when her baby will be born, what gender it will be, and so on, if you're into that sort of thing. I think it would be pretty funny if someone outside the Salt Lake area won the contest.

My son is a comic genius, by the way. As you know my wife is pregnant. She gets really hot and uncomfortable at night, so she keeps a fan on pointed at our bed. She also only uses a sheet to cover herself. This means that I, too, have a fan blowing on me and only a sheet to cover me, so I get pretty cold by morning. Tonight, before he went to bed, our son offered to turn the fan off for my wife.

"No thanks," she said. "I like to keep it on during the night."

"Why," he asked.

To be funny she said, "To freeze Daddy."

"Why do you do that," he inquired further. So I quipped, "So she can have an ice pop."

A groaner, I know, but I thought the 5 year old would enjoy it. But as soon as I said it, without missing a beat, he asked my wife, "Do you suck on him?"

We both died laughing. He started laughing along, as well, but he never understood why. Thank God!

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Friday, August 05, 2005

But Your Honor, it was the PLAYOFFS!

I was hesitant to make my post title an insensitive joke, but I'll explain why I did in a minute. In the meantime, read this horrible story:

Florida sports fan sentenced to death

Approximately 70 individual blows?!??! Jesus Christ, that guy's got issues. And for highlights of a Tyson fight? What an unbelievably unnecessary tragedy.

My wife found the story and sent it to me. She's a very compassionate person and for some masochistic reason always reads horrible news stories of kidnapping, murder and crimes against children. It makes her feel horribly sad, but I think it makes her realize how much she loves her family and how good things are for us. When she sent the story, though, she included this hilarious comment:

"No sex during a Bruins game. Got it."

Now you see why I had to title my post the way I did. I had to make myself look more insensitive than she did after her email. You're welcome, Sweetie! :-*

In other sports news, Gary Sheffield is a humongous fucking idiot. I usually don't care about Yankee news, but his idiocy transcends team loyalty.

iPod: Thanks to Gravity shuffle.

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Thursday, August 04, 2005

A couple o' things

More Real Beautiful Women -Rhode Island Supplement

Thanks to the immense generosity of Camo Girl, I have found some more beautiful women from Rhode Island that weren't on Yahoo personals. To be fair, none of the original three are being replaced. I am adding these two because it's not fair that they weren't in the original sampling, either. The categories are still messy, so I'll just call them Real Pretty Cuties:

1.
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Image hosted by TinyPic.com
Image hosted by TinyPic.com

2.
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Image hosted by TinyPic.com
Image hosted by TinyPic.com

Picture Challenge

Speaking of Camo Girl, she linked to the below picture on her site and said IMDB wouldn't let her post it. I took that as a challenge and found a way to post it here without downloading it onto my computer. It showed up in my post field, but when I published it disappeared! Crap! I'll keep trying.

Curses!

Update:
I gotchoo, sucka!

Why I should probably be fired

Among other reasons: Bowmaster. Thanks Bliss!

Why I should not be an NHL general manager

Because I'm too sentimental about players. Despite loving to see Brian Leetch coming to town, I'm most excited that the Bruins are keeping Glen Murray and bringing Shawn McEachern back!!!! I think it will pay off because they're both hard working players who have good histories in Boston, which should make them play even harder. Now if they could convince Steve Heinze to come out of retirement, I'd become The Orgasm Guy. Actually it seems that he left hockey because of post-concussion syndrome. That sucks!

iPod: "Something Deeper" by Thanks to Gravity, "Cowboy Hat" by That Dog., "Almost Blue" by Elvis Costello, "Echoes" by Pink Floyd, "Like a Rolling Pin" by The Replacements, "Every Devil" by Tanya Donelly, "Explosivo" by Renacious D, and "Teenage Victory Song" by Weezer.

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Tuesday, August 02, 2005

A Job Well Done

If I do say so myself! I put the carpet back up to the new tile last night, with the kicker-stretcher thing, and think it turned out pretty well. See for yourself. It's the corner piece.

That looks like a professional did that!
But it was me, really!

The old corner was half a square, cut diagonally, but the carpet was getting badly frayed there. We put a full square in its place so we could remove the offending piece of carpet and restore some sense of presentability.

Please disregard the discoloration on the carpet. It's from 7 years of abuse by incontinent chihuahuas, and there's nothing we can do about it until we can afford to replace the carpet. Just look at the fine workmanship of the tile and carpet line.

iPod: "Halo" by Foo Fighters, "Roman Candle" by Elliott Smith, and "Be My Yoko Ono" by Barenaked Ladies.

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Monday, August 01, 2005

It's getting harder

I tried to find a title that fit the two subjects I'm about to address, and I think that's about the best one I could come up with.

Subject 1. I've always been moderately handy, putting things together, fixing things, stuff like that, but this weekend I learned and applied a new skill. I removed and replaced a floor tile! No big deal, I know, but I was pretty proud of myself. I had to saw the grout out, pop the tile off the cement with a chisel, remove the existing tack strip for the carpet, nail in new tack strips (the new tile is a square, and the old one was a triangle), cement the new tile down (I had some help with that from our neighbor), mix the new grout, and fill it into the cracks; all without causing major damage to the flooring elements we want to keep. Now it looks great, and all I have left to do is kick the carpet back into place. Voila! The grout is what's getting harder, by the way.

Subject 2. I don't know why, but it's been getting progressively harder to find women for the Real Beautiful Women project. For Maine I only looked around Portland, New Hampshire and Vermont I had to look at a few cities, and Massachusetts was really tough. I thought I'd get a cornucopia of babes from the Boston area, but I looked through 600 profiles and only had a few candidates. Then I went to Worcester and Springfield and maybe got one more. I even went to my hometown and surrounding area, but got nuthin'! Finally I remembered the Lowell area came up with some good ones when I was searching Nashua for the New Hampshire Edition(Lowell's close to the NH border) and found one or two to round out the field. I should have known that Rhode Island would be even harder, given its size. Not only was there a dearth of really attractive females, many pretty ones that came up were from South-Eastern Massachusetts (who I didn't find during Mass week, naturally). I looked at the full 1000 profiles returned in my search, and only had some "maybe"s. I checked Match.com and found many more attractive women, but because I'm not going to pay to join it, I couldn't get to the full pictures. So I did another search in Yahoo, with a smaller age range, and found a couple I hadn't seen before. After consultation with Lovely Wife, we have decided on three acceptable women for Rhode Island, but I wouldn't say the categories fit very neatly. Enjoy, and Connecticut, get ready, because I'll be looking this weekend!*

iPod: "Low" by Foo Fighters, "The Color of Right" by Rush, "Where the Street Have No Name" by U2, "Let Go" by Soundtrak, "Space Rock" by Weezer, "Falling for the First Time" by Barenaked Ladies, "Roseability" by Idlewild.

* I know I must sound like a big-ass hypocrite, purporting to celebrate beautiful "real" women while dissing thousands of women unfit for my exalted blog feature. Sorry. Plenty of women I've seen are attractive, and if I were single and lived in their area I might contact them to get to know them. But with this blog I'm trying to showcase the most alluring, eye-catching, out-right beautiful women out there who aren't being manufactured and air-brushed and paraded in front of a captive public as the ideals of beauty. That's consistent, isn't' it? Plus, take a look at Providence, RI in Yahoo Personals and you'll see some of the trouble I had.

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Real Beautiful Women - Rhode Island Edition

Real Cutie

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The baby's not hers. I'd love to do a tribute to beautiful single mothers sometime, though.

Real Pretty

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Image hosted by TinyPic.com

The dog's not hers. I'd love to do a tribute to beautiful single pet-owners sometime, though.*

Real Hottie

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Image hosted by TinyPic.com



* Bad joke.

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