Thursday, April 28, 2005

Um... ahhh... erm...

I have very little to say today. If it weren't for Guster, I'd have nothing to say at all.

I have listened to Guster since about 1993 or so, when they used to come up to my alma mater and play shows with Thanks to Gravity. Guster got big and TTG didn't. Anyway, I'm not the world's biggest Guster fan, and to tell you the truth, I preferred them in their small club, high energy music and zany antics phase from 2000 and before, but they're still a great band and funny as hell. Every now and then I remember that they have a website and I read their studio and road journals, which are written by their percussionist. He's damn funny. And it's because of him that I found this site: Jowlers. What a great concept! I love it.

I'm so enamored of the site that it's making me think about dropping the veil of secrecy a bit and posting a picture of myself jowling for my profile pic. Just thinking for now. We'll see. I totally let the audioblog idea die before. That was more laziness and self-consciousness about the sound of my voice than concern for my privacy, though. Let's hear it people! What do you think about a jowling picture of me? Will it ruin the devastatingly handsome image you've created of me in your heads?

Has anyone read the article in the new Rolling Stone about Weezer? Wow! Rivers Cuomo is one f'ed up guy. The dynamics of the band, how they communicate, and how they treat each other sounds so weird. I always imagine a band being friends until they just get sick of each other, lash out and break up. But Weezer sounds like an office of people who sometimes get along, sometimes don't, but who stay and do the job and don't care much either way about the other people. Very interesting.

And that's all that's on my mind.

iPod: "The New Nathan Detroits" (Live) by Braid, "Sandwiches Time" by Weezer, and "Stay" by Belly.

|

Tuesday, April 26, 2005

And now for this evening's politically-tinged humor segment

1. Read this now and try not to laugh! (warning: contains explicit language describing sexual acts and pig-headed conservative views) [Thanks, watergirl!]

2. Courtesy of Bliss, please enjoy "America We Stand As One". You'll need Quicktime, but it's SOOOO worth it. Words do not do justice...

3. But mockery sure does! Courtesy of the Anonymous Coworker.

I'm digging the This Is Me Smiling CD I grabbed at the show. And I've got to get the new Weezer (I hope it's as good as "they" say it is), Idlewild, and Queens of the Stone Age soon.

|

Hey Mercedes, The Metro, Chicago, April 23, 2005

The Set List*:

1. Boy Destroyers
2. The Frowning of a Lifetime
3. St. James Street
4. Our Weekend Starts on Wednesday
5. It's Been a Blast
6. Quality Revenge at Last
7. Haven't Been This Happy
8. A-List Actress
9. Que Shiraz
10. Go on Drone
11. Eleven to Your Seven
12. Knowing When to Stop
13. Every Turn
14. Roulette Systems (fuck yeah!)
15. The House Shook
16. Bells
17. Save a Life (sweet!)
18. Unorchestrated (with audio clip intro from Waking the Dead)
19. Let's Go Blue
Encore:
20. Quit
21. Stay Six (I can die now!)


* Someone on the HM message board had the songs, but not the order, and it wouldn't let me login to post it there, so here it is in case anyone Googles it (with editors notes).

|

Monday, April 25, 2005

Guess My Big News, Part 2!

This is a just-made-up-by-me variation on the Kevin Bacon game. I'm going to make a string of references to actors, films, and books starting with Kevin, and you have to follow it to the end. Once you get the title of the last film, and the words in the title I isolate, you will know my new big news. Good luck.

1. Kevin Bacon played a lawyer in this courtroom drama also starring a once very popular and sexually-desired actress.

2. This actress, early in her career, starred in a comedy as a hippy-ish singer who falls for a failed basketball player who redeems himself by winning a sailing race.

3. The actor who portrayed the failed basketball player, also a very popular actor, starred in a movie about music that is set in Chicago, though the book the film is based on is set in a totally different country.

4. The author of that book (the non-Chicago set music story) also wrote another book that was made into a movie. The movie starred an actress who once played an overweight ABBA fan and an actor who always plays a socially bumbling, though insanely charming, man. Once you get the title of this movie, take out the first two words of it, and what you have left should adequately describe my big news.

Good luck!

iPod: "One of These Days" by Pink Floyd, "Lining Lake Michigan" by Braid, and "Your New Aesthetic" by Jimmy Eat World.

|

The Show!

I flew to Chicago on Saturday morning. The weather wasn't so hot there. Cold and overcast with snow flurries. I went towards the club (two blocks away from Wrigley Park) about 2 1/2 hours before the doors were to open. I walked around for a while, looking for a place to eat and to locate the club. When I found it, there was already a line at the door! So I got a quick bite at Quizno's down the street and then got in line. Once inside, I bought two of their new EPs (one for a friend), but no t-shirt. They didn't have any extra large.

I was feeling pretty out-of-place in the club seeing as I a) wasn't wearing a hoodie sweatshirt, vintage jeans halfway down my ass and dorkey/hip-sneaker/shoes, b) didn't have unkempt hair, and c) am over 21. I was firmly in the minority of attendants. But screw 'em. I was kicking it old-school with my faded Thanks to Gravity t-shirt, if that's not coolly obscure, then I don't know what is!

The show started with a band called June. They were pretty good, and sounded a lot like what I've heard of Taking Back Sunday. So if you like TBS, you might like June. Not really my thing, though. Next was The Junior Varsity. Not good. Derivative emocore, and just way too loud. If you ever see them, don't stand anywhere near the keyboard player, because he's sure to kick you in the head during his "rocking" epileptic fits. I was laughing out loud. Pretty ridiculous. Their lead guitarist had some technical talent, but he was soloing too much, and many of the solos sounded way out of key. And everything was so loud, you couldn't make out much of the words or melodies. I think the singer/bass player was pretty miffed that the crowd didn't like them. Last opening band was This is Me Smiling, who were probably terribly miscast on this bill, but they're actually pretty good and unique. They have a more than competent piano/keys player, were tight as shit, and had an interesting pop sound. I picked up one of their $5 CDs after the show after saying "hey" to their lead singer/guitarist. I think many of the younger Hey Mercedes fans didn't like them, but they had a good contingent of their own fans in the crowd, and many others recognized the quality and gave them a warm reception.

I was in front of the stage, about three rows of people away. As the opening acts played it got more and more crowded, making me worry that I would have the room to dance/spazz-out. I had also brought a pen and paper from the hotel in case I didn't get a setlist afterwards, and the masses were probably going to make writing more difficult. I talked to a few people before HM came on, including some kids who drove from Kansas City and some who flew from Tampa. I think I came from further away. I win.

The band came out and started rocking! The first song went well, but during the second song, some guys came out of nowhere and started moshing! These pricks were clearly a minority inflicting their perverse notion of "fun" on a multitude of innocents who wanted no part of it. I've moshed before, I can appreciate the fun and chaos of "slamming", but this was NOT an occasion I wanted to see it happen, let alone participate. I yelled at a guy who elbowed me in the chin, and he moved away from me, but during the next song, the band of miscreants started again. At first I started pushing back, but realized that this was exactly what they wanted, and that I was pushing them into other people who wanted to actually ENJOY the fucking music, so I started standing my ground, trying to maintain my place and keep the moshers' movements to a minimum. Soon my rising anger had a focus: some punk kid with cornrows, pushing into people and waving his hand in the air (like he just didn't care) in a decidedly urban/hip-hop fashion. This was an affront to me, the band and all of the fans! I tell you, friends, I gripped the pen in my hand and came closer to mortally wounding a human than I ever have before, and ever hope to again. On the fourth song the pen was knocked out of my hand, so I gave up and left The Pit. I got a pen from the bar and stood near the back of the crowd, where I had room to dance and jump around (without disturbing those around me, thank you very much), but still had a good view of the band.

The turnout for the show was great. I was glad that so many people came to pay their respects, despite the down-side of pushing me to the fringes of the crowd. The band played great, the set was amazing. They played almost everything I wanted to hear, including the newly anointed "perfect" song "Roulette Systems". They played what I thought was going to be their closer early, and then the other song I thought might be the closer. When they ended the set, I knew they were going to come back out, but had no clue how many songs they might play for an encore. They played "Quit", which disappointed me greatly. It's one of my least favorite songs by them (although I love the lyrics) and didn't think it was a very upbeat message to send during their farewell show. Luckily, Bob said they were playing one more and that was it. And it was "Stay Six"!!!!! A song I had never heard them play live, but had shouted for many a time. It was SO awesome! After the lights came on I rushed up to the stage to try and get a setlist. I was holding a twenty, prepared to give it to a roadie who would hook me up, but it was not to be. No setlists were made available, although the drummer threw his sticks in the crowd and several guitar picks were thrown out, too. I was feeling pretty damn special for making my own, I must say. I gave the pen back to the bartender, who was shocked at my honesty, and who gave me a free bottle of water to show his gratitude. None of the moshers got that, I bet! Motherfuckers!

In line to get my coat, I passed Bob greeting people. I shook his hand, he seemed to recognize me, and I told him that I was CBK from SLC who comments on his site. When I saw he was holding a Sharpie, I asked him to sign my setlist, and he enthusiastically obliged. He's so nice! I also gave some shouts to the drummer, Damon, and guitarist, Mike, along the way. I'm going to miss that band! (sniff)

So the trip was well worth it. Despite some drawbacks (moshers, not being able to figure out the chords by watching, involuntarily smoking about 2 packs of cigarettes from the ambient air, UPDATE: there were also several technical problems for Bob's guitar and pedals, but I don't think I've seen an HM show without that happening) the positives won out. Plus, there are two totally never-before-heard songs on the new EP. Sweet!

But the real winners here are you, the faithful S&B readers who can optimistically hope for a whole lot less Hey Mercedes content on this site for the rest of their lives. Or at least until the HM Reunion Tour.

iPod: "Fairytale of New York" (Pogues cover) by The City on Film, "Toys in the Attic" (Aerosmith cover) by R.E.M., "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D, and "Jimmy Go Swimmer" by Braid.

|

Thursday, April 21, 2005

Just a quick note...

Because I'm trying to catch up on a couple weeks of ignored homework. It's going well, but it will be kind of a late night, methinks. I fly home tomorrow afternoon only to leave bright and early Saturday morning for Chicago (my poor wife!). In the interest of traveling light, I won't be bringing my laptop with me. So there'll be no review of the Hey Mercedes show, or the post-show partying with the band members (fingers crossed) until Sunday at the earliest. I'm also going to try to swipe a setlist (that's kind of my thing), but I may have to battle a bunch of other rabid fans. Better bring my Docs and brass knuckles.*

Man, I love Jeopardy, and especially the Ultimate Tournament of Champions going on now. Great stuff!

Don't you just love it when it's late, and it's quiet, and you're in your hotel room with the TV off, and then you can hear the guy upstairs loudly peeing? I love that!

Oh, and neither Rachel nor Vegetable Medley have taken up the Book Meme challenge yet. I don't know if I should feel proud or hurt. Wait a minute.... Yeah, I think it's hurt.

At least vociferously refuse, guys! C'mon.


* Unfortunately, I have neither Docs nor brass knuckles.

|

Wednesday, April 20, 2005

Ummm, not so cool

I like Life on a Stick, it's got some funny lines. But doing the Hitler joke the day after Hitler's birthday/anniversary of Columbine.. maybe not such a good idea.

And I'm not even remotely a PC kind of guy. Just didn't think it was that funny.

|

Oops!

I forgot to give credit to the generous soul who hit me with the Book Meme stick. And to show my appreciation, I'm lifting the ban on linking to his site. Not to worry, Bliss, I don't get many visitors here who aren't looking for "Elastigirl Tits," and The Sarcastrix already ratted you out. Plus, I like linking to good stuff. I'll keep you off my blogroll for now, though.

I shouldn't be so bitter, I guess. I've been remembering books I've read, which is a good thing. The problem is that it also makes me feel inadequate for not having read much more than Robert Jordan, Michael Crichton and Harry Potter.

|

The Legend of Vegetable Medley

In Columbia doth our tale begin
Of men and maids and tomes galore
Of scrolls and texts and words of yore
Writ down to tame the beast within

Among the throng, 5 knaves came forth
Each different, from lands afar
To seek the coif and gain the bar
And prove, with skill, their noble worth

These men soon formed, as if by fate
A council to ensure that they
Would prosper both at work and play
And perils, would negotiate

Eag'rest of these, young RCA
With energy that knew no bound
In argument he could so hound
A friend or foe and win the day

The Orb, all cool and staid above
Down in his cave would fume and chill
And to his tasks his flaccid will
He liciously applied with love

Vain Vindaloo, with pride would strut
A gait with not a modest step
His confidence he surely kept
Despite jokes for which he, the butt

CBK, an awkward lad
Dared try to fit on ample back
A silly, small, but heavy sack
Containing ev'ry book he had

A hero must each story have
And this one does not deviate
With ignorance his only hate
Rode Vegetable Medley, suffering's salve

Of lyre and lute did he partake
Sounds most obscure and dissonant
In composition confident
That Reich left intravers'ble wake

Rush, he would, to soundly bless
The fruits of men from Willowdale
When asked, could others be as hale
His answer surely would be, Yes

His mettle he did prove with ease
In mock battles on field and ice
No quarter would he give the vice
Of pride, but bring it to its knees

Much he had, in lair and steed
Moreso than others of his clan
In truth, he'd more than any man
The means to meet his ev'ry need

And so declared, like Kublai Khan
A place to call their Pleasure Dome
A clubhouse set inside his home
With merriment for ev'ry one

The council members would embark
Each Thursday eve through Saturday's
To seek their pleasure in the ways
Of spirits and nymphs dressed in dark

The goal of each nocturnal quest
To win the crown of B-O-K!
Find maidens to convince away
To share a warrior's nightly rest

They had adventures, this be true
Enough to fill a hundred verse
This bard, sadly through wretched curse
Hath only time to tell a few

A fete where CBK did dwell
Brought forth a multi varied lot
And when quite full of drink he got
In slumber CBK then fell

The Council, this, could not accept
And rudely entered quiet house
But poor CBK would not rouse
While downstairs secret lovers slept

Deterred, the Council did retire
To home to end the rapt'rous night
But on the way, a call to fight
When Medley flexed his drunken ire

And then the time at soirée poor
The Orb and CBK did flee
To seek the joys of fair city
And lithely writhe across a floor

Medley and Vindaloo set chase
Long time the manxome foes they sought
And when the rogues were finally caught
Medley demanded “plead your case”

The vagabonds explained their plight
Medley did grasp their reasons, yet
He would not let them soon forget
How they had left him in the blight

“J'accuse” cried Medley at the pair
“You left me!” his constant refrain
With drink his hurt he did maintain
While 'Loo, now taken, blessed the air

And so now the most crucial part
To learn just how it came to be
The name of Vegetable Medley
The Council to him did impart

Such revelry long hours would last
These sweats and efforts, although good
Create a hunger, and so would
Necessitate a warm repast

Enhungered our heroic band
Would give their fast an early break
Within the realm of Egg and Steak
Their health placed in Fate's fickle hand

CBK learned this lesson well
When ate he vittles from this store
And then from op'nings aft and fore
One whole week long he did expel

But frequently they did return
For pancake, waffle, and om'let
Their drunken minds would oft forget
The attendant intest'nal burn

One night upon a different course
Our hero followed famished wish
Compelled to choose a fateful dish
His namesake Medley did endorse

He ravished said meal heartily
And sang its virtues o'er and o'er
And when time came to leave through door
That which remained he took with glee

He held the package close to breast
A lonesome distance still remained
On dark road to-ward his domain
He walked and ate the tasty rest

One more was named here, by the by
When choosing entrée from menu
CBK oft would order two
When one, for most, would satisfy

This noble Council's end was sealed
When summer peeked its radiant face
Camaraderie was fast replaced
When peeps and romance were revealed

RCA became a friend
Of women lovely to the eyes
Their love for him he'd fantasize
Though he would get none in the end

The Orb assessed his social route
And lacking did he find this crew
A cooler brand of friend he drew
And roundly shut the others out

Vindaloo was eas'ly roped
By dour companion, in his need,
Who did not meet his lofty creed
And so in self-pity he moped

CBK soon after met
A lass that seemed a worthy match
But de-vi-ous plan she would hatch
To spend his funds and incur debt

Medley searched both far and wide
And found a princess, certainly
When meting suitors she would see
Only those with worthy ride

Anon, this girl he did endear
And envy did he well create
In those who chose a lesser mate
She hummed his anthem loud and clear

A knot was tied, made one from twain
But unbeknownst to Medley's mind
A shadow vile lurked just behind
The happiness that he would gain

|

Tuesday, April 19, 2005

The Post-Epic Poem Hangover

I don't have much to say after the Legend, so I'm picking up the Book Meme baton.

If you haven't heard of this, someone (see my theory below) started this blog thing where you get asked these frustrating book questions, answer them, and then pass them on to three other people.

Now, I may SEEM well-read, but I don't read much, and don't remember much from what I have read. I don't buy the hot books like the big new Founding Father biography or the heart-wrenching family tragedy. I don't like hard-cover books because they're hard to read in bed and take on a plane, so that explains the lack of sophistication and hipness in my answers.

Here goes:

1. You're stuck inside Fahrenheit 451, which book do you want to be?

I haven't read the book, but I just read a synopsis online. I would want to memorize a book that would be important for people to be able to read after the revolution, not necessarily a book that I really liked. But in this case, it's both: To Kill a Mockingbird. (I'm not going to link any titles because I suspect Amazon started this whole damn meme-thing to get free online advertising.)

2. Have you ever had a crush on a fictional character?

That would have to be Biddy, from Great Expectations. I don't know why, but I liked her, and I was pissed when I found out she married Joe (instead of Pip). I should read the whole book someday, since we only had a condensed version in our text book.

3. The last book you bought is?

Cryptonomicon by Neal Stephenson.

4. What are you currently reading?

Cryptonomicon squeezed in between "Entertainment Weekly"s

5. Five books you would take to a deserted island:

Uhhhhhhhhhh...
-US Army Survival Manual: FM 21-76
-Frederick Copleston's History of Philosophy, Vols. 1-3
-Critique of Pure Reason by Immanuel Kant (Can you tell I was a philosophy major in college?)
-Godel Escher Bach, An Eternal Golden Braid because it seems very intriguing, and I'm a big Bach fan.
-Anna Karenina, by Tolstoy because I've wanted to read it, but I'm way too lazy to actually pick it up.
[I wanted to bring something funny, but I couldn't think of anything that wouldn't wear out pretty damn quickly except for my complete Doonesbury opus. If I can't have them all, I don't want any of them.]

6. Who are you going to pass this stick to (3 persons) and why?

Let's see, who do I hate? Just kidding. I guess I'll send it to two bloggers I don't think have done it, and who I haven't passed something to already: Rachel and The Sarcastrix, whom I certainly won't judge should they pass up this life-altering opportunity. The third will be Vegetable Medley. I'll try to get him to email me his answers and I'll post them. If he doesn't, I'll make up embarrassing answers for him.

In other news, I'm seriously considering putting "Roulette Systems" by Hey Mercedes on my list of Perfect Songs. This is a short list of songs written incredibly well, with structures, chords and melodies divine, and lyrics that complement the music and meter, well, perfectly. The List includes:

"Everlong" by Foo Fighters
"No Myth" by Michael Penn
"Limelight" by Rush
"Annihilate Now" and "Mistake Pageant" by Idlewild
"Spiceman" by Thanks to Gravity

I'm obviously a big fan of Hey Mercedes (my ticket for the last show came in the mail this week!) but I've had rotating favorite songs with them. They've outdone themselves with this song, though. Too bad they won't have the chance to write more candidates for the list.

I love Uchenna and Joyce on The Amazing Race! I'm bummed about Lynn and Alex getting the boot, though.

Let's all wish "congratulations" to Jade, who had her baby a couple weeks ago! And say "hello" to little Sarah.

I've had my share of stress at my job, but the worst stress it gives is on my marriage. I'm sorry, Sweetie. I know that you support me and believe in me. We never should have started discussing work tonight. At least our talk made me miss Constantine on Idol, though (I'm not kidding).

Thank you so much for the card. (She hides sweet cards in my work bag before I leave on trips. Told you my wife was better than yours.)

Holy shit, The Rutles is on TV! Sweet! I never noticed the George Harrison cameo before! Neil Innes is a genius. "Cheese and Onions." Hahaha!

I'll stop rambling now. Good night, all.

|

The Legend of Vegetable Medley, Verses XXXIII-XL

[With Editor's Notes]

This noble Council's end was sealed
When summer peeked its radiant face
Camaraderie was fast replaced
When peeps and romance were revealed

RCA became a friend
Of women lovely to the eyes
Their love for him he'd fantasize
Though he would get none in the end

The Orb assessed his social route
And lacking did he find this crew
A cooler brand of friend he drew
And roundly shut the others out

Vindaloo was eas'ly roped
By dour companion, in his need,
Who did not meet his lofty creed
And so in self-pity he moped

CBK soon after met
A lass that seemed a worthy match
But de-vi-ous plan she would hatch
To spend his funds and incur debt

Medley searched both far and wide
And found a princess, certainly
When meting suitors she would see
Only those with worthy ride

Anon, this girl he did endear
And envy did he well create
In those who chose a lesser mate
She hummed his anthem loud and clear

A knot was tied, made one from twain
But unbeknownst to Medley's mind
A shadow vile lurked just behind
The happiness that he would gain

[Ed. note: Thus the surviving text of The Legend of Vegetable Medley concludes. The seemingly abrupt ending suggests that there is more to this hero's story, though nothing has been found that would complete the tale. Perhaps one day the rest of the saga will be unearthed in a remote corner of the world, preserved and ready to be told. Maybe on another blog. Who knows.]

|

Saturday, April 16, 2005

The Legend of Vegetable Medley, Verses XXV-XXXII

[With Editor's Notes]

Such revelry long hours would last
These sweats and efforts, although good
Create a hunger, and so would
Necessitate a warm repast

Enhungered our heroic band
Would give their fast an early break
Within the realm of Egg and Steak
Their health placed in Fate's fickle hand

CBK learned this lesson well
When ate he vittles from this store
And then from op'nings aft and fore
One whole week long he did expel*

But frequently they did return
For pancake, waffle, and om'let
Their drunken minds would oft forget
The attendant intest'nal burn

One night upon a different course
Our hero followed famished wish
Compelled to choose a fateful dish
His namesake Medley did endorse

He ravished said meal heartily
And sang its virtues o'er and o'er
And when time came to leave through door
That which remained he took with glee

He held the package close to breast
A lonesome distance still remained
On dark road to-ward his domain
He walked and ate the tasty rest

One more was named here, by the by
When choosing entrée from menu
CBK oft would order two
When one, for most, would satisfy*

*[ Ed. note: Scholars agree that these two stanzas are not part of the original Legend. The Legend flourished in its early years from public performances by bards and jugglers. These lines were most likely added by such a performer who was especially sympathetic to the CBK character. This particular version of the Legend gained popularity and survived with the extra verses intact.]

|

Friday, April 15, 2005

The Legend of Vegetable Medley, Verses XVII-XXIV

[With Editor's Notes]

A fete where CBK did dwell
Brought forth a multi varied lot
And when quite full of drink he got
In slumber CBK then fell

The Council, this, could not accept
And rudely entered quiet house
But poor CBK would not rouse
While downstairs secret lovers slept

Deterred, the Council did retire
To home to end the rapt'rous night
But on the way, a call to fight
When Medley flexed his drunken ire

And then the time at soirée poor
The Orb and CBK did flee
To seek the joys of fair city
And lithely writhe across a floor

Medley and Vindaloo set chase
Long time the manxome foes they sought*
And when the rogues were finally caught
Medley demanded “plead your case”

The vagabonds explained their plight
Medley did grasp their reasons, yet
He would not let them soon forget
How they had left him in the blight

“J'accuse” cried Medley at the pair
“You left me!” his constant refrain
With drink his hurt he did maintain
While 'Loo, now taken, blessed the air

And so now the most crucial part
To learn just how it came to be
The name of Vegetable Medley
The Council to him did impart

* [Ed. note: Though some scholars maintain this work originates from 8th century France, thus suggesting Lewis Carroll borrowed this line for his "Jabberwocky", most place this work much, much, much later, and interpret the line as plagiarized from Carroll]

|

Thursday, April 14, 2005

The Legend of Vegetable Medley, Verses IX-XVI

[With Editor's Notes]

Of lyre and lute did he partake
Sounds most obscure and dissonant
In composition confident
That Reich left intravers'ble wake

Rush, he would, to soundly bless
The fruits of men from Willowdale
When asked, could others be as hale
His answer surely would be, Yes

His mettle he did prove with ease
In mock battles on field and ice
No quarter would he give the vice
Of pride, but bring it to its knees

Much he had, in lair and steed
Moreso than others of his clan
In truth, he'd more than any man
The means to meet his ev'ry need

And so declared, like Kublai Khan
A place to call their Pleasure Dome
A clubhouse set inside his home
With merriment for ev'ry one

The council members would embark
Each Thursday eve through Saturday's
To seek their pleasure in the ways
Of spirits and nymphs dressed in dark

The goal of each nocturnal quest
To win the crown of B-O-K
Find maidens to convince away
To share a warrior's nightly rest

They had adventures, this be true
Enough to fill a hundred verse
This bard, sadly through wretched curse
Hath only time to tell a few

|

Wednesday, April 13, 2005

The Legend of Vegetable Medley, Verses I-VIII

[With Editor's Notes]

In Columbia doth our tale begin
Of men and maids and tomes galore
Of scrolls and texts and words of yore
Writ down to tame the beast within

Among the throng, 5 knaves came forth
Each different, from lands afar
To seek the coif and gain the bar
And prove, with skill, their noble worth

These men soon formed, as if by fate
A council to ensure that they
Would prosper both at work and play
And perils, would negotiate

Eag'rest of these, young RCA
With energy that knew no bound
In argument he could so hound
A friend or foe and win the day

The Orb, all cool and staid above
Down in his cave would fume and chill
And to his tasks his flaccid will
He liciously applied with love

Vain Vindaloo, with pride would strut
A gait with not a modest step
His confidence he surely kept
Despite jokes for which he, the butt

CBK, an awkward lad
Dared try to fit on ample back
A silly, small, but heavy sack
Containing ev'ry book he had

A hero must each story have
And this one does not deviate
With ignorance his only hate
Rode Vegetable Medley, suffering's salve*
*[Ed. note: Scholars have offered no acceptable explanation for the drastic departure from the meter in this line.]

|

Just a few things

Before the Ambitious Post.

There's a new link on the list to the right: The City on Film Daily! This is Bob Nanna's blog. Who's Bob Nanna, you ask? He's the lead singer/songwriter for Hey Mercedes! The City on Film is his solo project. And this is his blog. You may not find it very interesting, but his enthusiasm, energy and humor is on full display, and I'm very excited he's started it. Can I BE any more of a dork?

I really want to try that new Burger King omelet sandwich. And then get sick.

I don't remember them saying that Lost was a repeat this week. Bastards! At least I've got some playoff hockey to watch! Mmmmm... playoff hockey.

Okay, the big post. It's an epic poem, of sorts. Inspired by the concept of The Song of Roland. Not the actual text or format of the Song of Roland. That would require reading it, and it's one long-ass muthafuggah!

In advance of your criticism: Yes, I know that it sounds like Yoda wrote it. Yes, it contains French words that probably aren't acceptably used in English. Yes I know it's about people and events that only one person will recognize.

I hope you enjoy it anyway. I'll post 8 stanzas per night until it's done. Right now I've got 23 stanzas and more to compose.

|

Tuesday, April 12, 2005

Not much to say

About this except, "can you spot the two good band names in the article?"* and "Wow, Jesus has the kung-fu grip!"

Sigh, it just seems sad when people can count on the country's descent into idiotic, Christian idolatry to make a buck. Or sad when I don't do it myself. I haven't checked, but I would expect Mr. Poon to title his post about this story with a quote from the SNL commercial for the demonic-sounding Crying Baby Jesus nativity figure. That was a good one.

The Ambitious Post is going well, but it's going to be big. That's a good thing, as I had hoped it would be large, but it's definitely too large to post all at once. So I'm going to take a lesson from Dickens and King and serializing it!

I could feel your excitement rise at reading that statement. I'm sure it will keep me warm tonight in my too-cold hotel room. Anyway, look for the first installment tomorrow night. I'M excited about it, at least.

Here's the answer to link Ron Jeremy to Kevin Bacon:

If I hadn't cheated and checked IMDB, I would have said:

Ron Jeremy in Orgazmo with Trey Parker
Trey Parker in Baseketball with Jenny McCarthy
Jenny McCarthy in Diamonds with Kirk Douglas
Kirk Douglas in Greedy with Michael J. Fox
Michael J. Fox in Casualties of War with Sean Penn
Sean Penn in Mystic River with Kevin Bacon

But checking IMDB I think the shortest is:

Ron Jeremy in Orgazmo with Trey Parker
Trey Parker in Baseketball with Jenny McCarthy
Jenny McCarthy in Scream 3 with Neve Campbell
Neve Campbell in Wild Things with Kevin Bacon

I love that game! See you tomorrow!

* "Foot-Tall Jesus Doll" and "Biblical Doll Unit"

|

Monday, April 11, 2005

It's almost 1am, so I must be on the road

I swear I'm going to bed soon. I've already done my ironing for the week, I just wanted to follow through on my promise to post the lists I mentioned earlier. Feel free to provide your own lists in the comments, or if you want to post them on your blog (and start a movement!) then give a link in the comments so we all can read. Here goes:

1. List 3 things you did ten years ago that you don't do now.
-Working two jobs
-Listening to music on the radio
-Watching hockey (damn lockout!)

2. List 3 things you thought ten years ago you'd be doing now and actually are doing.
-Parenting/expecting a child
-Owning a home
-Staying in touch with my best friend from college

3. List 3 things you thought ten years ago you'd be doing now but aren't. (these were kind of hopes more than expectations)
-Living in Europe
-Playing music in public
-Practicing international law

4. List 3 things you never thought ten years ago you'd be doing now but are.
-Being on my second marriage
-Living in Utah!
-Writing for public consumption/acceptance but no money

Well, that was harder, and a lot less interesting, than I thought it was going to be. Sorry about that. Feel free to make your own lists, though. I always love interaction here.

TV thoughts:
Robin Williams just isn't funny anymore. It's sad.

24 is really intense, but what the hell can they do after this season? It'll be so tame compared to what the terrorists pulled off this year. Love it, though. But Lost is the show that's really getting to me lately. Can't wait to see what happens as the season winds down.

Watched the last hour of Miss USA, and was impressed with Utah and the eventual winner, North Carolina. Miss Illinois was about as articulate and intelligent as a slab of masonite.

Nighty night.

P.S.- I don't know how to reach this person otherwise, and am a bit late in remarking upon the occasion, but I wanted to say "thank you" and "good luck" to The Saint for his candor, wit and readership. He has left the blogging community for a while to do much more important things. I wish him the absolute best in all of his personal and professional endeavors. And I hope that when he publishes his novel(s) that I can guess it's him.

|

I love me some lazy weekend!

So I didn't post this weekend because I was too busy doing not much of anything. My wife and I had a nice, lazy, food-filled time. We did see Stomp on Sunday (awesome) and I did some productive things (wire a new phone jack and mow the insane lawn) so I wasn't a complete wastoid. In the interest of equal time, my wife did some organizing of our mess and some bookkeeping/bill paying.

But the good news is I'm working on my ambitious post right now, and so far it's looking good. My other idea for a post was this:

List 3 things you did ten years ago that you don't do now.
List 3 things you thought ten years ago you'd be doing now and actually are doing.
List 3 things you thought ten years ago you'd be doing now and aren't.
List 3 things you never thought ten years ago you'd be doing now.

I'll post mine tonight (after I do my ironing, of course) and look for the "ambitious post" sometime this week, hopefully, depending on how the editing process goes.

Want some more Kevin Bacon game? Do Ron Jeremy (not literally!)

|

Friday, April 08, 2005

My wife is better than yours!

Because she flashed her boob to me…

IN THE OFFICE!

She’s been teasing me with her ample cleavage all morning, and then BAM! Whole breast! Sweet!

I had an interesting parental experience last night. I was in the bathroom, and I heard our son whining to my wife. Then he came to the bathroom door and said he needed me to open the door. I cracked it and saw him crying, holding a crumpled piece of blue foil. “Did you eat this? I wanted to eat this for dessert sometime.” I was SO busted. He had found the wrapper for the Snickers egg I had stolen from his Easter basket the night before. I meant to throw it away, but forgot. He probably would never have noticed had I not been so careless with the wrapper, but apparently he pointed out that egg last week as something he wanted, so maybe he still would have noticed. He was very upset about it, and his crying was breaking my heart. I’m such a cad! I calmed him down and we made a deal that we would walk to the nearby convenience store and he could get a whole Snickers bar, which is bigger than a Snickers egg. He was happy after that. I also apologized profusely. It’s got to be traumatic for a kid to have his trust betrayed by a parent, and to have the concept of personal property violated by a loved one. I feel so bad. But, dammit, I needed a late-night snack!

He can be a very sensitive boy, especially when he’s tired. We watched The Amazing Race with him on Tuesday, and he cried when the brothers were eliminated. He was really sad about it. But other times all he wants to do is punch me in the stomach. My “Beanbag Belly,” as he likes to call it. He’s a fun kid.

IPod: “Filler” by Pond, “Live-in Skin” by Foo Fighters, “Walls of the Cave” by Phish

|

Thursday, April 07, 2005

Suck my balls, Blogger!

My third try at this post. Grrrr.

I’ve got some ideas for posts, and one is ambitious as hell, so keep an eye out for them. If I don’t get any time at work tomorrow to post, I’ll try this weekend. In the meantime, let’s play some movie trivia!

My favorite Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon challenge: Marilyn Monroe. List all the movies in the chain, with actors making the connections. The shortest chain wins, although credit will be given for all correct answers. The Watergirl has a 200-point lead on everyone so far. Good luck.

Now back to work.

IPod: “Darkside” by Tanya Donelly, “DLD” by 311, “Earwig” by The Dead Milkmen.

|

Wednesday, April 06, 2005

Busy, busy, busy!

Been pretty busy lately, kids. Came back to the office on Monday to get lectured by the president of the company that things are going to work differently around here, and that she's not happy with how I communicate the status of my cases to her. Nevermind the fact that she told me to "step up" and that she didn't want to be called all the time to solve everyone's problems, but to have people take care of their own cases. Nevermind that my "boss" is the one who's responsible for most of the cases I'm tied to, is incredibly lazy, and doesn't tell her what's going on. It's a weird, frustrating situation. Basically I've been emasculated into a fact-gatherer while other people, not me and my usual partner (my wife), puts the cases together. Then I'm supposed to learn the case enough to present it to the client and others. This is totally different than how I've always done it, and will certainly affect what has been my strong point on cases: that I know the facts of them front, back and sideways. But if that's what the boss wants, that's what she'll get. At least until I move on to the next job.

[Sweetie, I understand that should these words be found by our boss serious consequences will ensue, but fuck it!]

Found a new, fun, time-wasting game today, courtesy of Bliss. Walk the drunk home. Check it out.

Got my show ticket, hotel reservation and plane ticket for Hey Mercedes! The show is at 6:30, which is pretty lame. It's an early show, and we'll be kicked out for the 10:30 DJ show. I hope they get in a whole bunch of songs, though. Anyone within eye-shot of this blog who will be near Chicago on April 23 let me know and we can meet up. I promise this show will be a good time. I guess it would suck to get into a band at their last show, though.

I don't have anything interesting or funny to say. The baby's starting to move, but I can't feel it from the outside yet. We're going to find out the sex in about two weeks. Then the mad shopping and painting will begin. I'm excited for this weekend, because I get to figure out how to install a new phone jack in a wall after running the wiring from the other side of the room. I love D-I-Y projects!

Take care, and stay tuned for more posts worthy of your precious time. I'll think of something.

iPod: "Mysteries of the Unexplained" by Tanya Donelly, "Random" by 311, "Spaceman" by Belly, "Unorchestrated" by Hey Mercedes.

P.S.- If my law school friend in DC is reading this blog (and I know he is) start commenting you fucker! Use the intitials V.M. for Vegetable Medley. I'm going to tell that, and other, stories soon. I can't believe you didn't comment on the Neal Peart/Rush answer in my interview.

|

Saturday, April 02, 2005

Just a quick little rant...

To tide you all over for the weekend.

Tom Delay is an extremist, insane, fucking idiotic, super-douchebag!

How do people like him get elected? He doesn't have the foggiest idea of how the government is supposed to work. AND, he's hypocritical as hell, considering all the ethics charges against him and his cronies. This is a man who DOESN'T support Bush's Israel-Palestine solution because, according to the Bible, Israel is favored by God and should not be forced to concede a damn thing to the heathen Palestinians, who have lived there just as long as the Jews. Yeah, government is the perfect place for a nut like him.

To the Texans who elected this asshole: I understand wanting someone with Christian morals as your representative, but you missed the mark with this corrupt, self-serving moron. Better luck next time.

UPDATE: Not that I need to cite authority to support my uncontroversial assertion about Tom DeLay, but the story is no longer at that link. Here's a new one. Enjoy.

Blogger was down yesterday. I'll get back into posting today. Promise. Meanwhile check out the Watergirl and Stolen Girlfriend links and read their answers to my interview questions.

|