What the huh?

Rolling Stone Magazine recognizes Dave Grohl for achievement in coitus interruptus:



Seriously, when I first saw that headline, the space between "on" and "an" didn't look as apparent as it does now. I still think it should be widened a bit more, because, you know, people might get the wrong idea about Dear ol' Dave.

Whatever.

As I was driving from the airport to the office this morning, I came up behind a car on the highway with the vanity plate "urukhai". Huh? I can understand Frodo, Samwise, or even Saruman, but Uruk-hai? Then as I passed the car I saw why. She kinda looked like one.



[Shudder]

iPod: "Gone Daddy Gone" by Violent Femmes, "Century After Century" by Idlewild, "Why Should I Cry for You" by Sting, "Zep Song" by Weezer, "Tweezer Reprise" by Phish.

UPDATE: If you live in Utah, and your license plate says "urukhai", I wasn't talking about you. It was someone else.

GET IT OUT!!!!

I need a drill, or a shotgun, or a melon-baller! Anything to get that stupid Jack Johnson song "Sitting, Waiting, Wishing" out of my head. Arrrggghhh!!!

There's something that happened to me in Calgary that I've been meaning to write about. I got in a cab to go to the airport one Friday over a month ago. As soon as we started driving, I looked out the window and thought I saw someone I recognized. I looked closer and was sure of it. I had the driver stop and I went to say hi. It was a guy who lived in my dorm Freshman year of college! We're talking more than ten years ago, in New England, and here's this guy walking down the street in Calgary! I didn't have time to talk a lot, but it turns out he lives here now. I gave him my card and told him that I come to Calgary a lot, and that he should email or call me and we could do some catching up sometime.

I never heard from him. I know where he works and could probably track him down, but do I want to? We were friends, went to some parties, played on an intramural hockey team together, kind of bonded over Bryan Adams (I know, don't say it) and he blows me off? Whatever. It's not that I really wanted to hang out with him, but what a waste of a cool thing: running into someone you knew over a decade ago thousands of miles away from where you knew him. Wouldn't you at least email me? Oh well.

Look what I found!

It doesn't make much sense, but it's funny.

The Shakespearean Insulter

Give it a whirl, use them at parties, and impress your friends.

I really am going to bed soon. Really.

Ironing's done, time to blog

It's a short trip this week, so I ironed all my clothes for the rest of the week. Whoop de doo! I'm sure you care! I should be doing homework for my online class this week, and I'll probably get to it, but right now I'm watching what looks to be the Jeopardy Pre-Teen Tournament. Pretty cute.

I'd like to introduce a new feature: Name This Thing!

Can you identify this?



Here's another view.




Hint: you can see a bit of a toothbrush head in the first picture that might give you a sense of perspective. I'd say it's at least a foot long stretched out straight.

Submit your guesses. There will be valuable points for the winner, and maybe something else that you actually want.

Good luck.


P.S. - That new Subaru Tribeca commercial that plays "Dust in the Wind" haunts me every time it comes on. The song just gets to me, and I wish that it would play the whole thing.

I'm done. For now. I think.

So I've been wasting huge amounts of time today, 'sperimentin' with Microsoft Picture It to snazz up my banner; because I CAN'T just leave it as the blogger template, or as the big-ass steak and cheese, or as an ambiguous ode to hockey and subs. This has all of the elements that make up me: Lots of blue, hockey, music, my family, running, and a subtle, muted cheesesteak sub, all wrapped up in swirly goodness.* Really, there's not much else to me except the love of breasts and pop-culture trivia. The former I'll probably refrain from depicting here, and if you can find a picture of the latter, send it to me post haste!

I finally saw The School of Rock last night, and really enjoyed it. I am a Jack Black fan, but the funniest parts are not when he's spazzing out. I like what seem to be more subdued (sub"dude"?) ad libs when he's buttering people up. The scene when he "spontaneously" gives his students nick-names is really funny. I also found out that the movie was written by Mike White, of Chuck and Buck fame. That was quite a shocker, because C&B is nothing if not unsettling and disturbing. Looking over his other writing credits, the boy's writing is sure eclectic, I'll give him that.

I'm traveling tomorrow (to lovely Calgary, unsurprisingly) and hopefully will have more interesting things to work on, and write about, than my cursed banner.

See you later.

iPod: "Beyond Belief" by Elvis Costello (GREAT song!), "Fair" by Ben Folds Five (anyone heard his new solo album? Any good?), "Unnoticed" by Athenaeum, "Vapor Trails" by Rush (I confess! I'm still a Rush fan!), "Swan Swan H" by R.E.M.


* Clockwise, from top left: 1. Me finishing a marathon; 2. Me, my wife and my son on Halloween; 3. My hockey hero, Andy Moog; 4. Bob Nanna rocking out.

Your silence is deafening

So, I'm trying some new stuff out to see if it raises any reaction. I made the banner myself (a clumsy effort to say the least). It's supposed to be hockey pucks and cheesesteaks, with some representative pictures set into the corners. My wife doesn't really like it, and I'm not so crazy about it myself (too dark). Maybe I need a whole new template, because it's hard to fill all that space up there with something eye-pleasing and interesting.

The profile pic is of me, for once, but not all that attractive. Like I said, I'm trying stuff out, just looking for an adequate expression of me for my web presence. We'll see what else I can cook up.

I had the day off today. Utah has it's own holiday called Pioneer Day. It's when we celebrate the arrival of the Mormon Pioneers into the Wasatch Valley. We watched a parade, ate pizza, and sat in our non-heated hot tub. Anything's worth celebrating if you miss work, I guess!

Isn't Google Great?

I googled myself on Friday, and found a bunch of impostors who are NOT me, but who claim to be. One of these jokers is this guy:



This guy has my exact first and last name, same spellings for both. So if you recognize this guy, or already know me, then you know my name. Congratulations.

The weekend sure is the Blogging Doldrums, isn't it? I haven't posted since Thursday, partially because of being busy at work, partially enjoying my weekend with my family, and partially because of absolutely no inspiration. I hate that last one. Some weeks it seems like I have so much to say, or at least to riff about. Others I strain to talk about anything I can, such as lame topics like movies and TV shows.

On that note, I saw Charlie and the Chocolate Factory this weekend, and meh, it was okay. A good movie, but hard to watch with fresh eyes having seen Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory (with Gene Wilder) multiple times and having read and totally forgotten the book by Roald Dahl. It was entertaining, and Johnny Depp was funny, but he didn't blow me away like he's capable of doing. Freddie Highmore as Charlie was great, but I didn't actually care for the other kids, either the actors or how the film portrayed them. I wasn't expecting them to appear likeable, I just felt that the characters were underdeveloped and underused. The Oompa Loompas, on the other hand, were great. Their songs were cool, and I think the lyrics were originally from the book. So it's worth watching, but not great.

I did not see Wedding Crashers (would like to, though) but I sure hope that whoever is in charge of such things in Hollywood will give Isla Fisher lots of work, because she is adorable! I saw her on Conan O'Brien last week and... Adorable. That's all I can say, since all I did was look at her and listen to her banter with Conan about having red hair for a minute before I changed the channel. She's got a pretty cool name, too, that's apparently pronounced "I-La". I have read that she's really funny in the movie, so there's another reason to cast her like she's dying in 6 months. Make it so!

Nothing else to report, so here are this week's Real Beautiful Women.

Real Beautiful Women - Massachusetts Edition*

Real Pretty




Real Cutie



Real Pretty Hottie




Real Hottie



Real "Would Have Been A Hottie Had She Not Listed Ohio State Among Her Dislikes In Her Profile" ;-)




* With extra categories because of a tie and a blogger I stumbled across.

How apropos

That INXS is the band hosting this new Rock Star show, because all of the contestants are over the top. But hey, it's a new reality show so my wife and I have to check it out. I haven't watched tonight's results, and my wife hasn't watched it at all this week, so I'm not going to get into any specifics about anyone ( and don't tell me anything if you know). But generally I'll say they're almost all throwbacks to a lost generation of larger-than-life rock singers who lack the appeal, charisma and mystery of popular and intriguing stars of the last 10-15 years. The rest are just totally inappropriate for the band. I don't anticipate that INXS will have much success with whomever they choose for the gig, and that's too bad. But I'll keep watching anyway.

Best thing about the show: when the camera shows the members of INXS and Dave Navarro playing air drums like total dorks during the performances. That's funny.

Oh, and Brooke Burke too. I guess she's okay.

WTF?

Is going on with the Red Sox these days? There's no such thing as an early July meltdown. It's supposed to be August, boys. So regain that lead in the AL East and get a nice 5 game cushion so you can lose the division by 9-10 games come October.

Red Sox fans can't be too optimistic, even after last year. But really I'm just practicing my Boston cynicism to be ready for hockey season. I need to get worked up over the Sawx to be ready for the emotional investment I'll be giving to the Bruins. Baby steps.

In other news, Spamusement has returned to form after a short "off" period. Enjoy!

Enjoy 12 Bottles of the World's Finest Wines

They like to take turns

I can't think of anything else to write, so here are the alternates from the Vermont edition of Real Beautiful Women

Alternate 1




Alternate 2


Tonight I will get sleep. I will!

I should be in bed

But I've got a new addiction.

Tea Games

These games are great, and tough, but very addicting. Check them out. I love the archery game and the golf, but all are fun (except for the helicopter one; that's too hard to be fun).

When I look at the high scores of these games, though, I get very envious of these people's abilities. But then I realize that these people must spend HOURS and HOURS at their computers doing nothing but playing these games and other web-based activities and generally just don't leave their darkened dorm-rooms to do anything. I keep telling myself that and I feel a little better. I've never been that great at video games, but I enjoy them from time to time.

Here's something fun. I've decided to reveal a bit of myself. Jade suggested a little while ago in a comment that I use my senior high school yearbook picture for my profile. I declined, but then I took another look at it and got a nice laugh. So here, in all their glory, are the Dynamic Duo of my high school "look":

The Crustache



The Center-Parted, Feathered Hair



I didn't shave regularly until well into college. You can try to Frankenstein these together, but it won't really give you an idea of what I look like now. Just thought it would raise a chuckle or smile.

Good night.

The Thrill of Victory and the Agony of Defeat

I played floor hockey again on Saturday, and my team actually WON this time! We had several different players than last week. These guys were actually good. They put a lot of offensive pressure on the opposing team, scored some goals early, and came back on defense and blocked a bunch of shots. It was a bit different in the second half, though. My team was tired and didn't come back on defense as much, so I faced a bunch of 3-on-2's, 2-on-1's, 2-on-none's, and even some 3-on-none's. I played pretty well, I think. Some of the goals that got by me I'd like to have back, but I made some pretty impressive saves, stopped a penalty shot, and we won 8-7 (that second half onslaught was tough). I always enjoy playing, but really enjoy it when I play well and when my team wins.

Didn't do much else this weekend except pick up 11 pounds of cherries from my back lawn! What a pain in the ass that was, especially right after hockey when my back was already sore. And 11 pounds! That's a lot of cherries. They're over-ripe so they've been falling off of our tree, and birds knock them down all the time. One fell down and hit me while I was picking them up, and one bird even pooped on me. By Sunday morning there was probably a new pound on the grass. But that didn't get to me so much. What got to me was the triple-threat of garden menaces: weeds, snails and ants.

My wife and I weeded on Sunday, for the first time in about two months. The weeds weren't really bad, but there were a lot, and they fucking hide under legitimate plants like motherfucking motherfuckers. No amount of profanity can be too much when describing weeds. They flourish like they're in a damn rain forest while our other plants either die or slouch like our house is in Death Valley. Morning Glory, which is vine-like, really sucks. It grows underneath one of your plants, and then twists its way around the stems of said desirable plant, so when you remove the weed, it takes half the plant with it. Some weeds even look like, and grow next to, other plants. So we don't even notice the weed is there until it's one a half times the height of the good plant.

While weeding I saw some snails, which I had hoped wouldn't be very bad this year. I am a naive man. We had run the sprinklers earlier in the morning, and when we went out there was still a lot of shade in the back yard, so the snails were out playing lawn darts, the bastards. We picked some off the lawn and laid down poison in their not-so- secret club house under the ground cover. While we were weeding in the flowers, we found a few more. And then, while lifting an abnormally floppy California Poppy to look for hidden weeds (in what had been previously the farthest point between the two known snail domains), we found a hoard of baby snails crawling around. They looked pretty cute, actually, but the thought of a Centralized Snail Breeding Colony made me shiver, so we picked up as many as we could see and pitched them into the weed bags to a blissful death surrounded by plenty of food. I spread some poison over the offending area, so hopefully we've regained that strategic territory.

Of course when you're weeding, you're bound to pull one that's conveniently situated right at the entrance to an ant hole, so when it pops out of the ground, a million ants also explode around your feet. My battle with ants is a near perfect analogy for the Bush Administration's war in Iraq and against terror. They invade your home and it pisses you off, so your knee-jerk reaction is to use excessive force against those responsible. So you hose them down with Raid and watch them twitch and die. Then you realize that they're out there, just waiting to invade you and destroy you, so you decide to fight them out there instead of at home. But when you get there, you realize that there are millions more out here and that it's too overwhelming. You put down ant dust on one area just to discover even more across the yard, or in the cracks in the driveway. You're never going to find them all, let alone beat them, but while you're out there blindly thrashing away, some more get into your house and swarm around a dropped piece of dog food on your kitchen floor. You've overextended your poison supply, let down you guard at the borders, and you've once again been victimized by the "freedom-hating" little fuckers (who aren't freedom hating at all, really, because they just want the freedom to live their lives on their turf, in a place they've lived since time immemorial before you tried to impose your imperialistic house and garden system on them).* The ants actually attacked my wife. She could feel them crawling on her, and something bit her on the back of the neck. (I feel them crawling over me as I write this!). That was the end for her, so she went in for a shower. I finished the last of the weeds, got bit on my leg by something, and hit the showers myself.

The only other thing of interest I did this weekend was see "Mr. and Mrs. Smith" with my wife. Despite the mediocre reviews by critics, we agreed with the other bloggers who liked the film and found it to be quite fun. It's more of a comedy than an action film, with beautiful people to look at, and you can't go wrong with Vince Vaughn for some laughs. I've never been that ga-ga over Angelina Jolie, but for me, she was more attractive in this movie than any other I've seen with her.

Oh yeah, I was also looking for some beautiful Vermont women. I found some more than I did in New Hampshire, but many had only face-shot pics or were from over the border in New York. Anyway, here they are!

* The entire Ant Allegory is satirical, and doesn't seek to make or endorse any actual points or arguments.

Real Beautiful Women - Vermont Edition

Real Pretty




Something captivating about her, wouldn't you say?

Real Cutie



Unfortunately, this is the only picture she provided. She'd get the Cutie vote even without the puppy.

Real Hottie

Still here

Worked a bunch today, only had time to read some blogs and drop some comments, but now it's Friday, and I can post. Too bad I don't have anything to say.

Here's something:

Great Idea I Wish I Had #367

You know those big, portable signs they put in roads that have changing messages on them about construction and road closures? Like this?



Well, someone in Salt Lake opened the programming box on one and changed the message the sign was displaying. The new message?

"I'm Rick James Bitch!"

Yeah, it's a bit dated, but pretty funny, even funnier for doing it in Utah. Not that I would do something like that these days. I've got to set an example. Now is your chance to participate. What humorous phrase would you program into a road sign, given the opportunity and immunity from legal consequences? Kind of a "Caption This Picture" feature. Have fun with it.

On the homefront, it's a bumper crop for bugs at our house. We're cohabitating with Dadddy Long Legs,



Pill bugs stroll in under the screen nightly,



and the earwigs are everywhere!



One afternoon, my son and I squished about 25 earwigs on our patio, and just last night I picked up my son's washcloth from the side of the tub, and a big juicy one fell out. The bad kind of spiders haven't been too bad, thankfully. Usually we just find their carcasses.

Finally watched the new Comedy Central show Stella, and it's funny. Tonight's episode had some impressive guest stars: Paul Rudd and Sam Rockwell.

Ever noticed that the guy who does SpongeBob and Chloe from 24 were both on Mr. Show? Well, that's on now, so I have to go. Good night and good weekend.

P.S. - Anyone know how to post a picture that's also a hyperlink to that picture on another page?

Silly you!

You thought I wouldn't mention this story? Obviously I am ecstatic that hockey will be coming back and I think that the cost roll backs will be good for the game. Teams will be more competitive across the league, maybe fans will get some relief from soaring ticket prices, and hopefully the game will just get better and maybe actually attain the popularity it tried to garner in the mid-late 90s and failed. But even if it doesn't, I don't care! Hockey will be back, and my precious Boston Bruins will once again break my heart come playoff time. Drop the puck, boys!

There is also a new addition to the blog family, JuicyA. She's from Calgary, which is near and dear to my heart, and seems to have way more fun than a lawyer should. I've met Canadian lawyers, and she definitely doesn't fit the mold. And that's a good thing!

Check out The Intersection of 13 and 13, and go to her profile to see her other blogs. Specifically the one where she humps things. Yeah, it's been done before, but to a courthouse in court robes? That's pretty damn funny!

I've got a deadline at work coming up, and beaucoup work to do for it, so expect lame late-night posts or just less frequency for a little while. I hate to let anything like a job get in the way of this, but sometimes you just gotta do what you gotta do.

I've been Memed... Again

And I promise to have a better attitude about it this time. :-)

From The Girl in Camouflage, via a myriad others.

This meme requires you to do the following things:

Remove the blog at #1 from the following list and bump every one up one place. Add your blog's name in the #5 spot. Link to each of the other blogs for the desired cross-pollenation effect.

The Meat of the Matter
who the-what the-HUH?
escapekey
the girl in camouflage
Salt licks and Beatniks

Here's the question: What 5 things do you miss about your childhood?

1. Living in a neighborhood with other kids in a non-urban, non-suburban-sprawl town - I moved to my childhood neighborhood at age 4. By the time I was 8, there were at least seven other kids in the neighborhood within 3 years of my age, as well as my three brothers. There was always someone to play with, and a great place to play. We lived on a cul-de-sac, so we didn't worry about traffic. Houses weren't scrunched on top of each other. There were woods, a pond, streams, and sand pits nearby to explore. We'd play almost any sport or game. It was not unlike the world Calvin and Hobbes inhabit.

2. Sports - The kids in the neighborhood and I would play any sport we could think of, including making them up (like skateboard hockey). Whiffleball was the king, with nerf football and street hockey close behind. Sometimes we'd play with my older brother's friends, too, which raised the level of competition. Outside of the neighborhood, I played three sports every year in the public leagues: baseball, soccer and basketball. Sure, these days youth sports put a lot more intensity into developing skills, but the cost and the pressure are also a lot greater. I would love it if my children could play in leagues like I did, get a well-rounded exposure to sports and above all, have shit-loads of fun. Gym class was always my favorite class, with floor hockey holding a particularly special place in my memory. One more sports memory I have to mention is from the town's summer day camp program, which we called simply "Recreation". We played Philadelphia Kickball a lot, which is an awesome game. It's kickball in a gym with 6 bases. You can have as many runners on a base as you want, you can run past people on base prior to you, and the only way to get people out is to catch their kick or hit them with the ball while running. And if you kick the ball into the far-side basketball hoop, it's a homerun and all the bases are cleared. The time I did that (and I was actually TRYING to do it because the game was almost over and we were behind) is in my personal Sports Hall of Fame along with my 4 for 4, 6 RBI little league game and high school intramural championships in volleyball and indoor soccer. They're no 7th consecutive Tour de France victory, but I'm damn proud of them!

3. Trick or Treating - Fall has always been my favorite season, and Halloween is the pinnacle of Fall-dom in my memory. Going out in the brisk New England Autumn night, dressed in costume and getting tons of candy, simply doesn't get any better. My Halloween memories may be more cherished than my Christmas ones.

4. Bikes - Like Camo Girl, I loved bike riding when I was young. You started with BMX bikes, and tried to do cool stuff with them, like skidding, bunny-hopping, and building ramps to do jumps (like the "cross-up" and "table-top"). Repairing bikes was almost as fun as riding them, fixing the chain, putting in new ball bearings, a new double goose-neck, or snake-belly tires. When I got older I graduated to 10 and 12 speeds. The level of independence I had with a bike amazes me when I remember it. I would ride anywhere to get things done before I had a car. To go to work, play tennis, to the beach, to school, shopping, or just joyriding. None of these things were close to me, yet I relished in the ability to ride my bike there. To ride those distances just to get things done, instead of driving, seems crazy to me now.

5. Best friends - Sometime between 8th and 9th grades the concept of "friend" changed. My best friends, the ones I felt the most connection with, in whom I confided, and with whom I shared so much, developed the unfortunate characteristic of unreliability. I'm not talking about specific people, but the nature of all my best friends changed once high school started. All of a sudden, and ever since, best friends were capable of laziness, disinterest, offensiveness, or outright betrayal. I'm sure I've been guilty of the same offenses against people who thought I was their friend. It must just been part of maturing, but since I entered high school I haven't had the same level of devotion from, or to, those I consider my "best" friends as I had from grades 1 through 8.

And just like Camo Girl, this exercise turns depressing. But that's par for the course with me when remembering my childhood.

I think I'll pass this on to some of my new reads/readers:

Peach
JuicyA at The Intersection of 13 and 13
Cowboy Matty at Six Shooter Ranch
Viewlulu

and Bliss at The Strait of Messia because I only have 4 new blogs and he always responds to memes (the sucker).


iPod: "Cupid's Trick" by Elliott Smith, "Number Three" by They Might Be Giants, "Mrs Rita" by The Gin Blossoms, "Forgiveness" by The City on Film, "Polaris" by Jimmy Eat World, "Inferno" by Thanks to Gravity, "Seether" by Veruca Salt, and "Big Tall Man" by Liz Phair.

No time for a title

I've got a meme coming soon, but lots of work, so here's a quick note with some things I've meant to write about.

Friday night I saw This Is Me Smiling and Motion City Soundtrack, along with two other bands I didn't care about and who failed to win me over. TIMS, you'll recall, opened for Hey Mercedes at their last show and I was psyched to see them here at home. I got to the club at 7, and they were already playing! Why so early? Because apparently the club hosts some dance party thing at 10. Luckily they were only in their second song. They sounded great, and the smallish crowd of teenagers dug them, but they only played like 6 songs! Bummer. I chatted with two of the members later and they were real nice. This is, like, their first real tour, and they're not even siged to a label yet. Hopefully that will change soon.

Motion City Soundtrack was really good. The crowd was pretty big by the time they started, and of course some assholes started moshing. I was well away from that, but still had a good view. They played a bunch of songs from their first album that I didn't recognize, but liked. I like their new album a lot better. Their one big crowd-pleasing hit from the old album, complete with song-along section ,I don't even like that much. But they write great pop songs, play really tight, and the singer has a strong voice. He's got a bit too much ego, but it was a good time, and I was home-bound by 10, which was good since I had just returned from Calgary that afternoon and almost immediately left for the concert.

I played floor hockey this weekend, about two and a half years since I last played. Because I travel for work, I've refrained from playing the last two years. I play goalie, and it's not really fair to miss games regularly. I only played in four games the first time I played in this league (with a record of 1-3) because of travel. My team found a replacement, and then went on to win the damn championship. I watched the final game from the stands. I didn't want to lose it for them. At least I got a tee shirt. Anyway, the hockey place just started a Saturday morning league, so I was all over it. I was pretty nervous not having played for so long, but it went well. I felt I played well, but my team wasn't so hot. I made at least two times as many saves as the opposing goalie, faced three penalty shots, and we lost 5-1. Oh well. Hopefully things will go better next week. The teams switch every week, so maybe I'll get some more goal and defensive support. One unfortunate side-effect of not having played in so long, very sore thighs. All that crouching is quite a workout.

I watched some Live8 video today and saw the reunited Pink Floyd perform. They sounded A-Maz-Ing! And David Gilmour is STILL a God!

Many of you have probably seen the news about Karl Rove's role in PlameGate. As much as I love to see the bastard go down in flames, I can't believe he would have been so stupid to contact the journalists himself. I'm sure whatever punishment comes his way will be insanely light considering the treason he committed, but to have him Chinese Wall-ed out of the administration will be good enough. Let's hope.

iPod: "Breathe In" by Braid, "Friendship" by Tenacious D, "Figure 8" by Elliott Smith, and "NO2" by Phish.

Unprecedented Reader Response!

Thank you all for taking the CBK image poll. I really appreciate your input and readership. I was pretty busy doing very little productive this weekend, so I'm sorry I didn't get a chance to respond to your comments. I will do that here instead.

The Sub - Looks like most of you aren't too fond of it (Camogirl's never been fond of the cheesesteaks, even in the early prototype stage), and frankly it's starting to get to me, too. It violates my first (aspirational) rule of communication: subtlety. The grease and goopiness by themselves don't get to me, it's just the sheer scale to which those qualities are broadcast. New banner is in the works. Oh, and nice vegetable medley reference, Rachel! 50 points.

Fluidity - I don't think I'm going to make design changes a recurrent feature, but I will be experimenting with a new banner and profile pic. I like the basic template, and don't really want to change that. I'll have to think about the treasure hunt thing.

Profile pic - I'm working on it. I think I'll pick one and stay with it, and not revive the changing picture thing. Jade, ummm... no. I'll spare these fine people my crustache and center-parted feathered hair. Grump, can you recommend anything, like with an afro, perhaps?

Cleavage - I was half joking, but we'll see. Don't worry, Rachel, if it goes up it will be subtle and tasty, I mean tasteful, and certainly won't be mine. And probably not my wife's either (unless it's some kind of treasure to be hunted. Sorry, Lulu.). Thank you, Amelia, for that great compliment. I won't use G-Dub even to disparage the man or his administration, so no worries there.

Ringo - I just threw that out there to be silly. I couldn't think of anything else. Jade, I know which Beatle is your favorite. (Does the name "Swaida" ring a bell?) Cowboy M, I think drugs would explain that theory of Ringo's role, too.

B. Nanna's - It made me laugh a lot, but I guess it's more silly/clever. Jinx, did it teach him how to spell "shit", too? Cowboy M, that's far, far worse. CamoGirl, do you HAVE a sense of humor? ;-)

Oddity - I'm just a smart ass. An unoriginal smart-ass if you read The Hot Librarian about six months ago. Amelia and Cowboy M, you guys might want to get those checked out.

Thanks to all of you again. I have one more question, and then I'll leave you with a photo-essay of some father-son bonding:

Question - What do you think about changing the name of this blog to simply "CBKWorld"? I want any thoughts, for or against.

Photo-essay - Our 5-year-old son asked my wife to paint his toenails blue last week (he's a whimsical child). She finally got around to it on Saturday. When she was done he offered to do mine himself. How could I say no?

Real Beautiful Women - New Hampshire Edition

I've spent a lot of time in New Hampshire, and remember seeing plenty of attractive women there, but for some reason I had a hard time finding women for this week's edition. I actually searched 5 metro areas instead of just one. Anyway, here they are:

Real Pretty





Yeah, she's a body builder, but I don't consider that an unhealthy body image. Plus, she looks a lot like Maureen McCormick, so I had to use her! If anyone thinks that she has breast implants (as many female body builders do) then lodge a protest. There is a first runner-up candidate.

UPDATE: Real Pretty Alternate

If the woman holding the title of Real Pretty this week should, for any reason, be unable to fulfill her duties, then this woman will become the title-holder.



She's more borderline Cutie/Hottie to me, but she's all I have in the event of a disqualification.

Real Cutie





The suit of armor gave her an edge. (Looks like she was practicing swordplay in the apartment in that first pic!)

Real Hottie





Oh yeah.

And special for this week: The Most Beautiful Woman in New Hampshire!!!



I can't take my eyes off of her!

Quick poll

1. Are you all getting sick of the giant cheesesteak banner?

2. Do you like blog designs to be steady and reliable, or dynamic and fluid?

3. Do you like having Bob Nanna (formerly of Hey Mercedes) as the online image of me, or would you rather have something a little more... personal?

4. Pick one in the parentheses: "I would be (more)(less)(just as) likely to visit this site if there was a picture of an ample female cleavage regularly displayed somewhere hereon."

5. Ringo Starr was the REAL genius behind the Beatles' success. Agree or disagree?

6. Tell me honestly that the following isn't really damn funny: The aforementioned Bob Nanna has proposed making buttons to promote his solo project, The City on Film, that say, "This shit is B. Nanna's". Honestly!*

7. Do you hate odd-numbered lists or polls?

* A couple other blogs have referenced "Hollaback Girl" lately, so I thought I'd find a way. Pretty bad song. Ugh!

T & A & E

What's up with A&E? I remember when I would watch symphony performances on the fledgling sophisticate network. What a sensationalistic slide the channel is plummeting down! First there was the whole Hugh Hefner birthday party broadcast, and tonight I watched a program on cleavage. And it wasn't even good! Look, "Arts" and Entertainment network, if you're going to sleaze things up behind a thin facade of educational programming, do it right! Like HBO's Real Sex series. This middle of the road crap alienates your former core audience and won't ensnare the Spike crowd.

There's also a new sheriff in town, CBK-pokes: Cowboy Matty of Six Shooter Ranch. I don't really know how to describe his site, so I'll just use some free word association: blunt opinions, food, sex, porn, humor, pot, sex. And, if Lulu is to be believed (and I can't think of why she shouldn't be) he's holsterin' more than a six-shooter. So mosey on down and say "Howdy". And then shoot me for using lame Old West slang.

Hey, I'm in Calgary on the verge of Stampede. Yeeee hah!!!!

Some funny coincidences

Thanks to all of you for your feedback on the Beautiful Women Project. I'm going to start scouting New Hampshire soon.

I'm in Calgary this week, it's late, and you guessed it, I haven't ironed my clothes for tomorrow yet. So here's a short, pointless post about two co-inky-dinks from today:

1. Earlier I responded to someone's positive comment on my blog with the phrase "Mercy buckets". About 20 minutes later I drove past a restaurant of the same name.*

2. I was driving because I had rented a car to visit a farm north of Calgary to search for some valuable documents that might have been stored there. I didn't find anything, but I took a lovely, scenic drive back to the city via the rolling green hills of the Bow River Valley.** I stopped in Cochrane, Alberta for dinner, and as I was pulling into town, "Life is a Highway" by Tom Cochrane (a Canadian) came on the radio. Even though I have always despised the song, I had to keep it on to celebrate the irony.

Nighty-night.

* Okay, it's called "Merci Buckets", but I'm counting it.

** Unfortunately that's the best picture I can find. Just imagine it even greener and without the golf course.

Let's get a few things clear

First, there is NO better 4th of July celebration than at the Esplanade in Boston, with the Boston Pops. Perhaps there is no better patriotic celebration in the whole world. Can you beat the 1812 with fireworks and howitzers? I think not! Which makes CBS's non-broadcast of said Overture so puzzling and enraging!

Second, the inaugural Real Beautiful Women post comes with some provisos. I limited myself in selecting women that provided at least a half-body photograph with their ad. I figure that using head-shots kind of defeats the purpose of promoting women who aren't slaves to the cult of improbable body image. The other issue I want to address is what the readers' roles should be in this. I don't want this to turn into a "Hot or Not" kind of voting thing, but I don't want to discourage the free exchange of opinions. So feel free to praise or condemn the appearance of the women, to praise or condemn my choices and taste in women, or to praise (don't you dare condemn) my wife's role in this endeavor. I only ask that negative comments be kept civil without profanity, colorful adjectives and/or crude analogies. Don't get me wrong, those things are great in other contexts, but here I'd like to keep it nice.

I mentioned the three categories. These are not set in stone, I'm still experimenting. Feel free to offer feedback on the format as well, and we can find something that works.

Oh yeah, to my Great White North readers, I'm not forgetting Canada (dear lord, I could not forget the women of Canada!). I will include the provinces in this, too, either after all 50 states, or mixed within. So without further infuriating caveats and explanations I present...

Real Beautiful Women - Maine Edition

1. Real Pretty



2. Real Cutie



3. Real Hottie



I almost didn't pick her because of the seductiveness of the pose. I also don't want to imply that larger women can be "cute" and "pretty", but only thin women that give sultry looks can be labeled "hot". I won't waste your time trying to explain what those terms mean to me. Suffice it to say that I put them all on an equal footing, but the terms are NOT interchangeable. Sometimes you just gotta use different words for different women (or men, I guess) that you see. We'll see how this triumvirate system works.

Weekend Roundup

Item 1. I left work yesterday at about 3:30 in the afternoon. I went into the parking garage towards my car, and walked behind another car two spaces over from mine. As I approached my car, I noticed something moving out of the corner of my eye and turned back to to look in the car I had just passed. I saw a blond-haired woman who looked like she was leaning over from her driver's seat onto the passenger floor looking or reaching for something. I opened my passenger side door to put my bag and some papers I was carrying on the seat, closed it, turned around and glanced back at the car. She was still leaning down, and then I noticed that she wasn't alone. There was a man in the fully-reclined passenger seat, lying back with his eyes closed. The woman's head was bobbing slightly up and down. I was watching a public blow job in progress!

I quickly walked around my car and got in the driver's side. I looked over and they were still at it, either not noticing or not caring that I was nearby. Of course the first thing I did was to call my wife. I told her what was going on, while trying to see if what I thought was happening was really happening. I couldn't actually see anything, but there's not much else that could have been happening there, unless they were re-enacting a scene from Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid.

As I was talking and gawking, I started to back out of my space, and [crrrunnch] I took my rear-view mirror off the driver's door by hitting a support pole. As I later explained to my son, "I hit a pole because I was trying to see another pole." Luckily, he didn't ask any further questions. But the funny thing is, even that didn't rouse these people from their fellatiotic trance. I got out and put the mirror casing back on and they were still going at it, in broad daylight, in a public parking garage, on Friday afternoon when people would be leaving work and going to their cars. And now I have to pay to fix my damn car!

Item 2. There's a new blog link over there on the right: Little Pickles by Amelia Maroon, loved by men and corn cobs alike. Check her out, notice the inspired template she chose, and make her visit count grow.

Item 3. As for the Real Woman project, we're still trying to find out how exactly this is going to work. I chose two women from Maine to show my wife. Originally my plan was that the one she chose would be featured on the site. When she didn't choose my favorite, I decided that maybe we'll show both. But then she said that even though both were attractive, neither was really the kind of woman she would want to look at, so I went back and showed her one I almost chose, and she liked her. So now I have three to show, and I've decided to do three categories each week: Real Pretty, Real Cutie, and Real Hottie. I'll post them on Monday.

Stay tuned!

The Rules

If I'm going to do this "Beautiful Real Woman of the Week" thing, I need to have some criteria, and a method that's anonymous, but neither exploitive nor an invasion of privacy. Here's what I've come up with (and please give me feedback with your opinion/ suggestions):

1. I take pictures from online personals. For me it's going to be Yahoo Personals, because it's free and I already have a Yahoo account (not a Personals account, just an account). Plus, the photos have been put into public view by the women themselves. Not that they don't have a right to object, but I feel it's the least invasive.

2. I'm going to do searches of women between ages 25 and 40. It's arbitrary, but it's what I came up with. I don't want to exclude older women, but if I search 18-60, the sample's going to be very large and varied.

3. I'm going to search one large metro area from each U.S. state, starting with Maine and working my way roughly west each successive week.

4. I'm looking for "real women", which is a pretty vague term. Beauty is so damn subjective, anyway. Basically I'm looking for women who aren't obviously medically-altered or obsessive about their bodies, makeup, hair, clothing. Women can be any ethnicity, height or weight. My definition of beauty is pretty inclusive, but I will exclude women who look "too good", or who appear to try too hard to look good. I can't define it, but I'm going to pull a Potter Stewart on this one. What else can I do?

5. I will show my selections to my wife and she will help choose each week's "winner", to include a feminine perspective.

That's it. I have some candidates from Maine already. Let me know how ill-advised you think this project is. Thanks.

iPod: "Slob" by Weezer, "Sample in a Jar" by Phish and "In the Drink" by Barenaked Ladies.