Hold the votes!

I just realized something this morning. Hilary Swank is not new to playing a fighter, the role for which she is an Oscar favorite tonight. She's been down this road before. Young woman trying to make it as a fighter, joins up with old, grizzled trainer who becomes father figure, and they both help each other find redemption of some sort. Does THIS ring any bells? I say this has to be considered by the Academy. I think the two works should cancel each other out and Imelda Staunton or Annette Bening should be given the prize. That's just my two cents.

I haven't heard anyone bring up the glaring similarity of the two roles before. I wonder why. Could it be a conspiracy!?

UPDATE: Well, the Miyagi Conspiracy Project worked. Swank takes the Oscar. Poor Annette. I don't think she deserved it for American Beauty, but this year, from all I read, she had a legitimate shot. It's got to suck to lose twice to the same person.

In and Out, In and Out

Aha! A bit of double entendre to describe my recent traveling patterns and the glorious homecoming welcome from my wife. I'm a lucky, lucky man. Too much information? Then why are you reading?

I don't know how many of you have clicked on the Homestarrunner link over on the right (Teen Girl Squad is tha BOMB!), but there's a game section in there that has a very cool roleplaying game called Peasant's Quest. It's a silly, primitive text/graphic adventure game, with a medieval theme, and pretty funny. I won the game tonight, but didn't get the total possible points. I think there were a few things I could have picked up but didn't, or I lost some points for something but didn't realize it. Anyone play this game? Can you tell me if it's possible to get all 150 points? Anybody care at all?

So, are you all watching the Oscars? I've seen only one of the Best Film nominees, and I wouldn't have put it in a top-five list. It wasn't bad, but nothing to blog about. I'm rooting for Marty Scorcese because he just f'ing deserves one, for Gangs of New York and especially Raging Bull. OMG, that movie's great! As for the rest, I don't have enough on which to base an opinion, but I DON'T want to see a Million Dollar Baby-Clint Eastwood sweep. Sure, give one to Morgan Freeman, but let Annette, Scorcese, Sideways and others get some love. It's just weird how Clint's movie has suddenly become the front-runner in a lot of categories. Hollywood and the Hollywood press love to love him (similar to the Great Green Day Butt Smooch). He's a great guy, but I just don't see the film-making genius there. I would like to see the movie, though. I hear there's something startling about the ending.

Hopefully Chris Rock will be funny. Then it's off to bed and back on a plane!

Boston Rocks! That is all.

Well, actually, that's not all. I've added another link to my blogroll: The Watergirl. She's a sassy and under-sexed woman in Beantown who writes a lot and includes cool pictures she takes.* I haven't read all her archives, so I don't know that much to encapsulate her in a few words. Check her out. She also leaves really randy and suggestive comments on Ken and Ariel, which you should already be reading.

I'm going to be in Boston next week, and have an extra day without meetings. I should do homework, but I'll probably make a pilgrimmage to the Fleet Center and cry about hockey and try to hook up with 2 of my brothers who live in Boston. Sorry, they don't have indecipherable acronym nicknames. I also called my mom who lives just over an hour away and left a message. My wife convinced (guilted) me to do it. And she was right to. I'm not sure if she or my dad will be able to come up and see me, but I'm sure they would want to know if I'm suddenly that geographically close to them. Thanks, Wife, for helping me be a better son. My mom appreciates it.

My family is outrageously uncommunicative. Since I live far away from all the others, I see them maybe once a year. Two of my brothers didn't come to my recent wedding (but they had good excuses). We all get along. No animosity, but we just don't talk. We don't check in with each other. We don't email. I happened to call two of my brothers after the Sox won the World Series, and found out that one of my brothers had just been laid off. If I hadn't called, it would have taken me about a month to hear it from my mom when I finally called her to say hi, or ask for something. It's sad when I think about it, but the problem is I just don't think about it that much.

I'm looking forward to the trip, even though I hear the weather's going to be crappy. I guess no run along the Charles River this time. Ugh, treadmills!

*WG, any problems you have with my blurb about you, just let me know.

Now I Know!

Just found these, and they are pretty damn funny. Some more than others, but all weird. I think my friend, the one who likes Airplane Jive Talk, would like them. I'm going to call him Vegetable Medley, and explain what that means later (as if you'll ever care.) The site has some GI Joe cartoon shorts from the 80s where a character would dispense advice to misguided youth. But these are edited and dubbed over in bizarre fashion. You'll need sound and a high-speed connection for best results. If you ever watched GI Joe when you were younger, I'm sure you'll enjoy them.

I'm so glad computer and internet technology exist so that people can do fucked up things like this and share them with the rest of us. Apparently Hasbro's legal counsel sent a cease and desist letter to both the makers of the clips and the site who posted them. I always thought of such a letter as a legal shot across the bow, a warning of serious consequences if you don't change your course. But this letter doesn't even imply any consequences of not complying with the request to stop. It doesn't look like they've acted on any right they may have to get them off the internet. Interesting.

I was IMing with another friend/reader and she wanted to know what CBK stands for. Remember that challenge I laid down for you people a while ago? No one bit, but it's still open. (Vegetable Medley, you are categorically denied any involvement in this "contest.") I wouldn't tell my friend, but I gave her a vague, non-helpful hint, which I'm not going to give the rest of you. I'm really just looking for involvement and creativity from my legion of fan (plurals left out intentionally). I guess I could make up silly situations and ask for advice from you.

"Hey guys, my wife caught me with a spaghetti squash yesterday, in a somewhat 'compromising position.' What can I tell her to ease her mind so she keeps buying lots of hot produce and doesn't suspect anything?"

iPod: I'm not listening to it right now, but on my flight home from Calgary last night, I did an Idlewild-only shuffle. WHY didn't I do that sooner!?!?! Can't wait for the new album.

What the?

I'm watching Lost, and in a flashback scene in Korea, it showed a TV, and on the TV was one of the castaways. It was the big guy, Hurley. I'm pretty sure it was him. It looked like a reality show. What is going on?

I love this show, which makes it that much more disappointing that Alias appears to suck. I read a review of the new season of Alias that said they've changed the format and made it more boring this year. That's too bad, because they could have added a viewer this year. Oh well.

Commercial's over. Gotta go.

Why does this shit surprise me?

I'm watching Much Music [that's Canadian MTV, Saint] while tooling around the hotel room, and Kelly Clarkson's new video for "Since You Been Gone" comes on and apparently she's not the hip-hop-lite poseur she was on her first album. Now she's a rockin' chick, a la Avril or someone crappy like that, who dresses and sings all aggro. WTF? Why do people think packaging this shit thusly will sell? Why the hell does it sell? In one scene she's destroying her ex's stuff in their apartment, and she pulls all of his LP's off the shelf (LP's are SO indie!) and I swear one of them was a Chicago record. As in Peter Cetera, "You're the Inspiration", cheesy 80's rock icons Chicago. (Yeah, yeah, I know they go further back than that, and were totally different in the 60's and 70's, but even that era Chicago isn't cool enough for the image they created for the video). It's so sad, the state of music today. Not that good music isn't being made, but so much crap, and even good, music is so artificially dressed and marketed, because we can't just hear good music, we need to SEE how cool it is, how the artist fits the particular mold that the kids want to buy these days. It's just disgusting, but still I'm watching this channel, now showing a band called Boy, who wants to be the next Franz Ferdinand, judging by their stupid, retro-sounding rock song and slobby appearance. And what bad thing happened to Green Day that made everyone want to make amends and kiss their ass so much over the American Idiot album? Don't get me wrong, I'd rather see Green Day selling records and winning Grammy's instead of all the other crappy pop/hip-hop people, but why the super-wet rim job of praise heaped on the album as if it were some watershed, herculean effort capturing the zeitgeist of the American experience in the early 21st Century, destined to be engraved in gold and put into the Smithsonian for future generations to worship? It's a Green Day album. It rocks, and sounds like all the other Green Day albums. The lyrical content is somewhat politically poignant, but not particularly artful or poetic. I like Green Day (so don't beat me up Lawyer Guy, if you're reading) but I'm not buying the whole canonization effort over this album.

Whew! I'm spent!

Back in the DOC, my beeyotches!

That's Dominion of Canada. Calgary this week, a stint in Toronto next. 24 has just ended, so I'm watching Canadian cable TV, surfing channels, when the classic warning/teasing disclaimer comes on that the following program contains "nudity and sexually explicit subject matter." Sweet! I'm there. What follows, however, is the end of a weird Indian-Canadian melodrama involving a woman, her violent boyfriend, some old guy that has been sleeping with the woman and knocked her up, the old-guy's whimpy son who I think is married to the woman, and what appears to be the whimpy son's gay lover wearing a black leather jacket and motorcycle helmet. The violent boyfriend beats up the other three guys in a cramped, poorly-choreographed fight scene. Then he apologizes to the woman, who tells him to beat it. In case you didn't notice, there was no nudity or sex anywhere! Now it's back from commercial and the gay lovers are in a restaurant jamming with an electric guitar and a large jug (banging it, not blowing it). Oh, and the woman went back to India to get away from all the madness (boringness more like it), and I think the violent boyfriend just showed up there to surprise her. The movie's called Seducing Maarya (check out the user rating at that link!) I got the whole plot from the last 10 minutes of the movie, apparently. I recommend this film if you have absolutely no interest in nudity or sex or compelling plot. Man, what a waste!

I need to iron my clothes and get to bed, anyway. Big meeting tomorrow, and I'll be wearing a suit! My wife wisely suggested that I try on the suit before packing it. It's been a while since I've worn it, and it may not accommodate my increasing girth. Then I'd be forced to wear the suit I bought during law school (1998) or BEFORE law school (1996) when I was a LOT bigger than I am now. Thankfully, it still fits, thought the pants waist is a bit more snug. I actually had a pretty good run on Sunday. Just shy of 20 miles. There was a lot of walking after mile 13, but I alternated running and walking well, and had a good finish. The marathon is about 2 months away, so I feel good about my chances to at least beat my time from last year, if not by the 15 minutes I want. I need to do more mid-week running to get my muscles stronger and more used to being stressed. That's the plan this week.

Random content: I got spam last week from "a person" with an unusual name that I very much like the sound of: Rigoberto. Anyone ever seen this name before? I think it's pretty cool! It's got steamy Mexican Soap Opera written all over it!

Saint Decision posted an Audio Blog last week, and has challenged his readers to do the same. I'm flirting with the idea (which means that I'll probably do it). I don't know what to say, but I'll come up with something short and sweet. I might just quote some Jive from Airplane! and Airplane II to make my friend laugh. Sheeit!

"Yo, What's yo name?"

"I'm MC Dick!"

Last night I took The Wife out to a show called "An Evening with Colin Mochrie and Brad Sherwood" and man, was it good! The best improv comedy I've seen. We both nearly pissed ourselves with laughter, and got good ab workouts in the process. I was worried that with only two of the usual suspects from "Whose Line Is It Anyway?' it might be a bit boring, but it was way better than the TV show. They used people from the audience a lot, including a university professor "rapping" the line at the top of this post.

It just wouldn't capture the humor to tell you about the games they did and things they came up with. The words "Richard's Vasectomy Barn" were uttered, though. The closing game had the entire theater roaring and doubling over. They've never done anything like it on the TV show, and made the perfect finale to the show.

I've been an improv fan for a while. There was an improv group called Theater Sports at my college that I saw a bunch of times. They had some really good people. They also had an element I've never seen in any other improv production: The Purple Fruit Thing. It was a stuffed toy that looked kind of like an eggplant, but not. The purpose of the Purple Fruit Thing was to end a scene that was bombing. Kind of like the gong in The Gong Show. When people were doing a lame scene, one member of the audience who had been entrusted with the PFT responsibility would launch the feared toy onstage, terminating the scene and humiliating the performers. It was great. The audiences were really enthusiastic and creative, too.

I went to an improv performance in Denver that was really good. For my "bee sting" suggestion they showed Andy Griffith fishing while someone whistled the Andy Griffith theme. Then one of the actors, in a wig and pretending to be a drunk Aunt Bea, walked by and said "Opie's gay." I don't know how they came up with that so fast. The audience in Denver, though was pretty lame. Either they didn't know they were supposed to participate, or they had no imagination. I was shouting stuff out all night, trying to give the actors things they would have trouble working with. I think my then wife was kind of embarrassed, but one woman came up to me during an intermission to ask me what something I yelled out meant, and to praise my suggestions. Take THAT ex-wife! (BTW, I suggested "consternation" for an emotion. It stumped the actors.)

But the audience last night in Utah was very active (some too active). The people who wrote random lines of speech for the guys to pick and read during a scene provided some very good material.

So if you get a chance to see Colin and Brad on tour, I whole-heartedly recommend it.

iPod: "Judas My Heart" by Belly, "Grace Car Part One" by Braid, and "Dio" by Tenacious D.

"You maniacs! You blew it up!"

There were some valiant efforts near the end, but greedier heads prevailed and there will be no NHL season this year! It's not a surprise, I guess, but finally knowing brings sadness and anger.

In other bad news, I had a short medical exam by a nurse this morning for a life insurance application, and she weighed me. I was not pleased with the results. I had clothes and shoes on, but still, not good. That combined with the end of hockey makes me one unhappy fat bastard, as you can see from my profile picture.

Again, because of my lack of initiative to find a good picture host, and Blogger's draconian limits on profile picture size, I was thwarted in my attempt to use this picture. It better captures my despondency at losing hockey and being so fat. Neither picture, BTW, adequately portrays the amount of hair I have on my head or rest of my body. Thankfully!

I sure am glad to get rid of that sleazy Rim, I mean Tim, McGraw picture. He's one creepy SOB.

Sorry for the lack of blogging activity. I'm busy and uninspired. I'm traveling to Calgary next week and Boston/Toronto the week after. Mmmmm, Boston. My poor wife is steeling herself for the loss of my contributions to house and child maintenance. Sorry, Sweetie! I'm also taking an online class which is going to take more of a time commitment than I had originally thought (hoped) it would. Haven't I done enough school?

The real tragedy is the TV sacrifice I'm going to have to make. Looks like Idol and Wife Swap will be the first to go. Lost and 24 are untouchable. Housewives and Arrested Development are on the bubble. A new Amazing Race is coming, too. We'll see about that one. Man, I was upset that Jon and Kris got nosed out at the end of the last one. Damn!

It's sad, really, that I worry about the shows I will miss because I try to advance my career opportunities and achieve a marathon time goal. Why can't I have it all? Like eating cheesesteaks and cake while not getting fat. Or doing 3 leisurely runs a week and maintain an 8 minute pace for 26.2 miles. And while I'm at it, why can't I be a wealthy and famous composer/ conductor/ guitarist/ rock star/ NHL goalie? Is that too much to ask?

iPod: "Sanity" by Phish; "Muzzle" by Smashing Pumpkins; "1990 Nightmare" by Idlewild, who is my favorite band that's NOT breaking up. Their new single sounds good. Can't wait for the album.

I guess she likes it rough.

Here's another story that's somewhat serious but I can't help but find amusing. Basically, kids think dad is beating mom, son shoots dad to protect her, turns out mom and dad were actually doin' the nasty.

["And I like doin' the nasty." (random film quote, who knows it?)]

This has Three's Company episode written all over it. What shocks me is that the sons, 11 and 16, could have confused sweet love with beating. I guess there's a history with the dad. That part's not funny.

I "heard my parents" a disturbing number of times during my childhood. Yep, my mom was a screamer. By age 11 I could lip-synch my mom's expressions of pleasure a la Michael J. Fox in The Secret of My Succes$s. A sample of things I heard:

- There was the time my parents had rented Deep Throat and Behind the Green Door. Later that night, after my parents were done, my dad exclaimed, "Can't beat the classics!"

- In a strange case of quasi-synchronicity, my mom described her orgasm as having "permeated everything," mere weeks after I learned the word "permeate" in English class.

- One time after my mom had vociferously come, I didn't hear anything but sharp breaths from my dad for a while. Then my mom says, "Are your pipes clogged?" Not the most helpful way to finish a guy off, Mom!

- My favorite parental sex story. Our family had gone to a farm house in Maine for a long weekend. My little brother and I were playing outside and went in the house. I was about 9 or 10, he was 7 or 8. After we got into the house, I heard my parents upstairs just finishing. I immediately knew what was going on since I'd been hearing it for years. My more naive little brother went up to investigate. As my mom was recovering, my little brother asked "Are you laughing?" She replied with a very satisfied "Yes." So my brother started to come down the stairs. Halfway down, and well within earshot of my parents, he shouted, "They're humpin'!"

Ah, the innocence of youth destroyed by parental lust. I've got more examples of my parents' contribution in forming my depraved nature, but that's for another time, most likely on a couch.

Pardon me!

Rim here. I've got to stop eating things that stink so badly! I'm working with outside consultants, who are hovering over my computer while I show them things, and letting out small but wickedly malodorant burps that I can't control. I'm such an asshole.

My new profile pic doesn't appear to be posting on my blog, but it's on my profile. What up?

P.S.- I'm posting this from the client's office with their internet access! I'm devious.

Hi. I'm Rim McGraw, and I've got a job to do.

Thanks, Hot Librarian, for giving me my new name. I'm surrounded by porn monikers, because the apparent porn star edition of Fear Factor is now on. Shannon Swallow is up to do a wave-runner/helicopter stunt. AND SHE GOES DOWN! That's no surprise, I guess.

Seeing THL's multitude of comments really demoralizes me. I couldn't even get Philly fans to post hate-filled messages about the Patriots. I'm a loser. But I've got some regular lurkers, and two other blogs link to me. Saint Decision is the newest. He was dealing with some pretty tough, though admittedly fascinating, issues earlier, but his life has settled down some to let his writing talent shine through. Check him out, and make sure to read his archives!

I'm in Canada again for the week, just working, eating and watching TV. I'm up late again tonight. I need to stop doing that. Screw ironing tonight. My Toronto fan base will be happy (or frightened) to know that I will most likely be visiting their fair city the first week of March. I'll give you hotel and room # info when I know it. Wait, please don't run!

Lost got back on track tonight. It's been a bit hard to get back into it after reruns and missing an ep, but tonight's was good. Idol is getting good (no more lame joke auditions) and it looks like they've got some god talent this year. Not really feeling many of the women so far, but I really like some of the guys. The cocky, chubby farm boy from Ohio is weird, but what a voice!

Time to brush my teeth and get some sleep. Leave a comment to tell me how lame I am. If you don't I'm going to have to break out the Big Gun Post to whore for comments, and piss off the readers who know me in the process. G'night.

TV: "Bowling for Beetles" by Fear Factor.

Die Nast E

What's with all the question marks the media is putting at the end of "dynasty?" Of course the Patriots are a dynasty! If the Cowboys, 49ers and Steelers were dynasties, then the Patriots most certainly are, and they did it in a period of increased parity among teams and more defensive intensity than in recent NFL memory.

Actually I don't much care for the term. First, it seems to be applied when the reign is over, looking back at what a team has done, not what they are doing or are going to do. Maybe with the loss of the defensive and offensive coordinators the fairy tale is over for a while, but we'll see next season, won't we.

But man, what a sloppy game! The Pats' penalties, the Eagles' turnovers. Both defenses played pretty well, but it was hard to watch that last Eagles touchdown drive. Nothing I did was working! I changed my seating position, hand position, feet position with no result. After the Eagles scored first I noticed that my wife had moved the remote control from its place! "What the hell is that doing there?" I asked. Not quite in that manner, though. Once it was returned, New England made their first half-ending drive to tie the score. I think she's starting to understand the effect I have on games now. It wasn't the blowout I was hoping for, but I was satisfied with the result. The receivers all had good games except for David Patten. I don't think he had a catch. Oh well. Maybe next year.

I'm keeping the Brady pic up not because I thought he was the hero of the game, but because he's the Pat I most look like. ;-)

iPod: "American English" by Idlewild and "(Strawberry Ann) Switzerland" by Braid.

First Annual CBK ad awards

This is where I presumptuously name my favorite Super bowl commercials, as if what I think means anything.

Well, the GoDaddy.com ad was a fave, for obvious reasons. But the fact that they lampooned the "wardrobe malfunction" in front of a Congressional committee instead of any other scenario they could have was a nice touch. Follow that link to see the TV ad and an "uncensored" version. Apparently, GoDaddy bought time for two ads, but the NFL and Fox pulled the second one. What the hell is this world coming to? Fucking prudes!

CareerBuilder's Yeknom Corp. ads were pretty funny. I liked the last one when a chimp literally kissed the boss's butt.

FedEx gets the best self-conscious ad award for their Super Bowl commercial send-up. But really, a bear kicking Burt Reynolds in the crotch was what made it so good.

Worst fleet of commercials goes to Anheuser-Busch, usually a perennial powerhouse. The Cedric ads were pretty lame, and the troops in the airport one I'll get to later. The only good one was the sky-diving for Bud Lite ad.

In a three award sweep, A-B's troops getting a standing ovation in an airport ad wins the Cheesiest ad, the "Positive Image Whore" award and the "You can't criticize this ad without hating freedom" award. At least someone should have handed one of the soldiers a Bud. I mean, c'mon! It's a commercial for a product.

Ford gets Stupidest Ad for the biker commercial. Not only are their trucks tough, but apparently they "make YOU tough." Let's see how many fights get started by F-150 owners now. Idiotic.

Best Comeback Award goes to MC Hammer, for his self-deprecating star turns in both the Lays Potato Chips and Nationwide Insurance commercials. Hammer, don't hurt 'em!

But Best Fleet and Best Overall ad both go to a company I can't remember, which undercuts their win, I know, but these awards are about the ads' concepts and content, not advertising effectiveness. I think it was First Security Mortgage, or something like that. Their inadvertent convenience store stick up ad was great, but the boyfriend skinning the cat ad was the tops of the night. It was brief, funny, and not TOO unlikely a scenario to depict. Of course, it was also a bit disturbing to me because I love cats, but even I could see the inherent quality behind the commercial. Good job, whatever your name is. May you now thrive and actually get people to remember your name.

These awards are all so arbitrary. Every commercial is a winner for blowing millions of dollars for a few seconds of air time.

See you next year.

P.S.- If anyone can help me think of a snappy name for these awards, I'd sure appreciate it.

iPod: "Welcome to the Occupation" by R.E.M. and "Scorpio Come" by Thanks to Gravity.

It's almost here!

The Super Bowl! Two days away. I've encountered a surprising amount of support for the Philadelphia Eagles over the last week, and not much New England rooting. That's a little confusing, but I guess if I lived in New England, it would be Patriots Fever all over. I think people just like to root against the favorite. The Eagles are a good team and good story, but I wouldn't call them universally appealing.

Maybe the Eagles will be to the Patriots this year what the Patriots were to the Rams in 2002. An unlikely victor against the defending champions. As I've said, I worry. That's my thing. I don't get cocky. Don't make predictions. The last time I did that the Bruins blew a 3-1 series lead in the payoffs against the hated Montreal Canadiens. I'll never forgive myself. I heard that Ty Law, who isn't even playing, was saying that the Pats would have to not physically show up to the game for the Eagles to win. Back off, Ty! We don't need no trash talkin'. He didn't sound really arrogant, just confident, and he wasn't dissing the Eagles. I guess if he's not playing he can't look like an idiot by saying those things and playing poorly. I'm just nervous and babbling.

I want the Patriots to dominate both sides of the ball. I want 120 yards rushing by Dillon, at least 250 yards passing by Brady(with 4 catches and a touchdown for David Patten), at least 3 sacks and 2 interceptions. And I don't want to have to rely on Adam Vinatieri at the last second to win. Even though the two Super Bowls won by the Pats have been damn entertaining, I don't want to go through the stress again.

Ricky Proehl, who played against the Pats in both of their Super Bowl wins and who scored tying touchdowns late in the games, isn't playing in this game for the Eagles. What does that mean?

I don't know. I don't know.

iPod: Several. "Run Like an Antelope" by Phish, "Divine Hammer" by The Breeders, "Being With You" by .that dog, and "Beautiful" by Michael Penn.

Hi. I'm C. And I'm a lazy runner.

There, I've admitted it. I was planning on doing 7 miles last night, but I was working late, and dinner was almost ready when I got home, and after dinner it was late, and I'm a lazy S.O.B. so I didn't run. I put it off for tonight. When I have a meeting with a financial planner so I can start saving/investing for my retirement and get a life insurance policy and stop being a lazy future-planner. So we'll just have to wait and see whether I get the run in. Last Sunday I "ran" about 18 miles and was feeling horrible for a couple days afterward. I think I may have jumped to 18 too fast. But I've got my eyes on the prize for at least a 3:45:00 marathon this year, so I've got to train vigorously, which means doing very long runs and shaming myself in public for skipping a run, like last night.

Why was I at work late last night? My lazy-ass boss/colleague is in town and kept me late. He's such a lazy, stupid bastard, but funnily enough I've heard that HE doesn't want to work with ME anymore! I'm the one who does a lot of his work for him! I'm the one who gathers and keeps track of the all the data we need for our cases! I can't wait to see how he does on his own without me. It's going to get busy for us pretty soon. I'm starting my own case soon, with two other smaller ones also potentially starting, and he's supposed to be starting his own huge one. There's no way I can help him.

Good luck, lazy colleague! Oh, and when you oversleep and come in an hour late, try not to look like you're still in your bed clothes next time. Or next week when we're at the client's offices. Thanks.

iPod: Carnival of Sorts (Box Car) by R.E.M. and "I Hate Myself" by The Dead Milkmen (whose bassist died last year).

And now, the news.

I give up! What is the point of Kosher rules when things like this are acceptable? The article reads in relevant part:

Most mohels do it by hand, but Fischer uses a rare practice where he uses his mouth.

Wouldn't the parents notice a cold sore during the bris? And WHY would parents take their babies to someone like this?!?! I don't mean to offend my sizable Jewish audience, but c'mon! Some practices from the barbaric past were meant to be left behind. Bloodletting? Stoning? Bueller? Anyone?

This is so disturbing, it makes me REALLY happy my parents left my hoodie alone.

In "really funny to me but probably shouldn't be" news, the insurgents in Iraq are getting creative. Apparently, if Iraqi prisoners aren't released, G.I. Joe's Roadblock will be mercilessly beheaded. That's nothing! I used to drown, blow up and completely dismember my action figures. And it never got one of my demands met. My mom was prepared to stay the course and accept the sacrifices of spreading freedom.

iPod: "We Gotta to Be Clean" by Guster and "So Much Song" by Tanya Donelly.

Three words: Tony. Fucking. Almeda.

And I thought he was in prison! Man, I was pretty psyched last night watching 24. I actually started running around my house pumping my fists in the air (which is not that unusual a thing for me to do). My wife, who had watched earlier, told me that something unexpected happened. After I saw it I had to wake her up and show her how excited I was. I'm a dork.

I wonder where Michelle is. Hopefully we'll see her, too. I'm not growing to love the new people yet, although I have some sympathy for Driscoll now. And what's with all the black female villains? Sherry Palmer (Queen Bitch); Palmer's aide seducing him in the first season; the rich, sick guy's wife did some bad things last season; and now Aisha as the mole in CTU. I think 24 has some more problems than just the portrayal of Muslims as terrorists.

iPod: "The Other Side of Summer" by Elvis Costello and "Shu Shubat" by The Anniversary.

Weird dream

I'm not looking for analysis, and I'm not going to make this a regular feature, but I had an amusing dream this morning that I'm going to tell you about.

I was in law school, and was writing a take-home essay for a final exam. There were three questions, and the deadline was fast approaching. I finished the first two, but was running out of time, so I went to the school to turn in the test. When I got there I saw that I had about 20 minutes left, so I tried to write at least a short answer to the last question. I went into a room where a lecture was going on to write it. The question asked for the reasons why Michael Jordan was such a great basketball player. I wrote some things down that made sense in the dream (like they were actual achievements MJ had made) and then went to turn in the test. I was five minutes late, but there was a portly friend of mine at the turn-in table that was in charge of collecting the tests. He seemed so familiar, but I don't know who it was. He told me not to worry, and to do any more cleanup I needed to do.

Jump to later in the dream, when the professor decided to go over people's answers to the test publicly. First he had my portly friend on stage, showing his answer to the first question. It was a sandwich. There was a sandwich in a plastic display case rotating on the stage. It had lettuce in it, but I couldn't see what kind of meat was in it. Next I saw other people's answers, which looked like leftovers of casseroles.

For the second question, Elliott Smith came on stage to sing the best answers. In the first verse, the only word I remember him singing was "emotive," which I think is the title of A Perfect Circle's latest album. The second verse was my answer, and I was beaming with pride, but I can't remember any of the words.

The alarm woke me before the answers to the Jordan question were reviewed. I hate when dreams get interrupted before they're done.

iPod: "The Romans Are Dancing" by Thanks to Gravity.