Friday, December 24, 2004

'Tis the egg nog bashing season, but I love the stuff!

'Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the blog
Not a creature was roaming through my nonsensical fog
The html tags were placed in the body with care
With hopes that e-visitors soon would be there

Hello? Anybody there? Why? It's Christmas Eve night! Go to bed! That's what I'm gonna do, eventually.

Two days and three holiday parties. Two turkeys, two casseroles, one ham, ambrosia fruit salad, three dips, one lemon meringue pie, canned cranberry sauce, countless cookies, and (sing it with me!) One Enormous Bellllllyyyyyy!!!

Man, am I stuffed! I'm so stupid, but holiday food is goooood! I haven't run in about two weeks, and I'm going to need a sling for my stomach when I finally start again (tomorrow? Monday?) At least I registered for the marathon, so I've got the carrot out there.

We did White Elephant gift-exchanging/expectation-trampling at all the parties. You really shouldn't do this game with kids. My wife convinced me to steal a gift from our ten year old niece. She didn't stop crying all night. My wife thinks she's starting her hormonal development, but we still feel like assholes! Our son loves what we stole, though! It never got really cutthroat, but there was some devious stealing between siblings, with a rare re-steal to get something back. And, of course, some seriously lame-ass gifts that people got stuck with!

We got cheesy 80s workout things that simulate jumping rope without the rope and a collection of 60s and 70s cookbooks, including "Favorite Mormon Recipes: Casseroles Edition including Breads," the classic of culinary literature! You're all jealous, I know it. But we didn't get the worst of it, not by a long shot.

Tomorrow the real fun begins, when I video tape my son opening his presents. We actually have to get him up! I guess I always had older siblings to make sure I was up early when I was really young, but I don't ever remember sleeping in until well after puberty struck.

Early childhood Christmas story: I was 4, and my mom woke me up at some point to look out the window. Next door was Santa (our neighbor dressed up) ringing a bell. I was psyched, and went back to sleep. Later, I was awoken by the sound of a toilet flushing, and couldn't believe that Santa had taken a dump in our bathroom! I can't remember, though, if I felt honored or offended. I do remember getting a tall, stand-up Nerf basketball hoop! Sweet!

Happy holidays, whatever you celebrate this time of year. Take care, be good, and don't eat like I am. It's a vicious downward spiral from which I must break free! Wish me luck.