Thursday, January 26, 2006

Help a Guy Out

There's got to be a better, more manly way to eat yogurt. At around 10:30 almost every weekday I eat the second half of my breakfast, a lowfat Yoplait yogurt. While sitting at my desk, holding the little container in one hand and spooning the creamy goodness into my mouth with the other (that didn't sound right), all I can think about are the petite women in the commercials eating yogurt and smiling at the serenity and perfection of their suburban, upper-middle class lives. You may not have guessed, but that's not a demographic I want to identify with. I have enough masculinity issues as it is, what with being a big crybaby and having a man-crush on Hugh Jackman (The Fountain is looking super cool, btw).

Yes, I'm a crybaby. I was always prone to tears as a kid, not in response to pain, but when upset at my parents or watching "ET". The trait is still with me, mostly when watching heart-tugging things on TV or in movies. My wife insists that it's endearing, but it can be quite an annoying quality, especially on airplanes. There are few things as difficult as sitting in a middle seat at 32,000 feet and discreetly dabbing your eyes with a cocktail napkin so as not to alert the neighboring passengers to your wussy-hood. I didn't even bother trying to hold back when I watched "Miracle" on a plane, at the scene when Mike Eruzione says he plays for the United States. My nose gets that crying tingliness just thinking about that scene right now. Thank God I skipped "In Her Shoes" on a flight a couple weeks ago. Not that I would have liked the movie, necessarily, but I know I would have been stifling sobs at the Big Reconciliation at the end.

Another drawback to my crying propensity is that if I don't cry for a while, it builds up and gets set off at the most inane things like cell phone commercials or cheesy sitcom endings when the music plays and the characters realize things are going to be okay. I watched "Zathura" in a theater about two weeks ago and just let the tears drip down my face, rather than let people see me wiping them away, because no one else that I could see was remotely moved by the movie. I'm a mess, and should probably go see "Brokeback Mountain" to just get my Big Cry out of my system. I love Ang Lee (but not in a Hugh Jackman kind of way).

So anyway, I challenge the yogurt companies, specifically Yoplait, to make a more macho receptacle for their product. Here is the current, girly version:
Oooh, how dainty!

How about a small, plastic beer stein, complete with handle, or mini cast iron kettles? Feel free to suggest any other ideas. And if you're thinking a container shaped like a deep-cleavaged bust, I like where your head's at.