Wednesday, January 19, 2005

Lucky you! More bathroom stories!

I've been staying up pretty late here at the hotel. I stayed up way too late on Monday night, getting about 3 hours of sleep. That used to be more than enough for me, but not any more. To protest, my waste-management systems staged a revolt. For some reason, even before I started drinking my daily 2.5 liters of water, I peed an unusual amount. Between getting up at 6:45 am and 6 pm, I peed about 13 times, and shat 4!!!! (Aside: why is the proper word DE-fecate, but for peeing it's not DE-urinate? Weird) I hadn't been eating THAT much, but I was bloated and gassy all day, and I was going to the men's room so often, I'm sure the employees at my client think I'm a coke fiend. But walking to the rest room was the only thing keeping me awake, because you can only pretend to work so much before losing consciousness.

During one of my "sit-down" visits to the bathroom, I'll confess, I started to nod off. What woke me was the feeling of drool on my lower lip. I was starting to dream, and had that rare moment of lucidity where I said to myself, "Wait, something feels strange. I think my physical body might be drooling. WAKE UP!" I opened my eyes to see the spit dropping on my sleeve. It wasn't a lot, so there wasn't much to clean up. At least it didn't happen at the desk, for passersby to see! That would be a great show of competence to the people trusting us to make them gobs of money.

"CBK," you might say, "I don't see how you can justify traveling to a client site to pretend to work. Isn't that unethical and irresponsible?" Why yes it is, observant reader. But not this week. My specific job this week is to accompany outside auditors at the client site and be the contact person for any problems or questions they have. And they don't have many. Since I don't have internet access or a cell phone signal in my office, there's not much I can do except pretend to look busy. Actually, an issue has arisen that has given me a lot of detail work to do, basically going through something the client prepared with a fine toothed comb to verify it's accuracy. It's totally not necessary, but hey, it's busy work that keeps me awake. I also broke out the iPod, too.

Today my stomach is feeling better, thankfully, and I ran a 10K on the treadmill at a pretty good pace. I also found out today that I may have to come back next week! The horror!